Jayne: These Reavers, the last 10 years, they show up like the
bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where does that get fun?

Kaylee: Shepherd Book said they was men who just reached the edge of
space, saw a vasty nothingness, and went bibbledy over it.

Jayne: Oh, hell. I've been to the edge. Just looked like more space.
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: Oh, I ain't goin' over there with them bodies. No ruttin' way.
Not if reavers messed with 'em.

Zoe: Jayne, you'll scare the women.

Simon: I'll go. I've dealt with bodies. They don't worry me.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Book: Maybe see what I can do about putting those folks to rest.

Mal: Those folks are already restin' pretty good, Shepherd. Reavers
saw to that.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Kaylee: So? How's our patient?

Simon: Uh, aside from borderline malnutrition... he's in remarkably
good health.

Book: So he'll live, then?

Mal: Which, to my mind, is unfortunate.

Book: Not a very charitable attitude, Captain.

Mal: Charity'd be putting a bullet in his brainpan.

Inara: Mal!

Mal: It'd save him the suffering.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Declan: We're fighting the just cause. Independent thought,
independent dreams, independent lives. It's a thing worth dying for.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Declan: What happened to the great Sgt. Reynolds who had a cause, who
believed in one?

Mal: The war ended. We lost.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Declan: This is war. Acceptable casualties. You remember that, don't
you, Sarge?

Mal: Isn't war when they're not shootin' at you. Then it's just plain
murder.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Mal: No one's gonna tell me what to do on my ship before I figure out
what I'm gonna do.

Zoe: Then you know what you're gonna do?

Mal: No.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
[Simon is operating on Tanaka]

Tanaka: You're a liar, bad one. Will find out why.

Simon: If you continue to talk and keep your adrenaline levels high,
then it won't matter what you find out because you're going to bleed
out and be dead.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Azuria: You ever love anyone so much that you couldn't imagine taking
a breath without 'em being there to hear it? To share it.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Kaylee: It's not that good, but supposedly nutritious. Isn't it
amazin' that the things that are so good for ya, always taste the
worst?
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Mal: This really isn't the way to do this.

Azuria: Shut up!

Mal: No, I mean you need to angle higher if you're hoping to shoot
both of 'em. Though I'd step back a pace if I were you, it'll be a
mite bit messy with all that blood and gore and everything.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Kaylee: He must be real brave to survive like that when nobody else did.

Jayne: Yeah. Real hero, killin' all them people.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Wash: I've been hailing her, but if whoever's there is as healthy as
the guy we just ran over... I can't imagine anybody's gonna be picking
up.

Mal: Bring us in a little closer.

Wash: Get you close enough to ring the doorbell.

Simon: What is it?

River: It's a ghost.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Book: Shouldn't we report this?

Mal: To who? The Alliance? Right. They're gonna run right out here
lickety-split and make sure these taxpayers are okay.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Jayne: If there's folks in need of help, why aren't they beamin' no
distress call?

Zoe: It's true. There's no beacon.

Mal: Which means it's likely no one's looking to find her.

Book: All the more reason for us to do the right thing.

Jayne: How's about you just say a prayer when we slide on by?
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Wash: Uh, back to work.

Kaylee: Well I guess that makes us one man short.

Jayne: Little Kaylee's always one man short.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Simon: And now, on the run, on this ship... I don't know if I'll be
able to help her here, and I need to help her.

Inara: Simon, you are. Leaving your whole world behind? That's
incredibly selfless.

Simon: Yeah. I selflessly turned us both into wanted fugitives.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Inara: "Who's winning?"

Simon: "I can't really tell. They don't seem to be playing by any
civilized rules that I know."

Inara: "Well, we're pretty far from civilization."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Kaylee: Well, you confound me some, is all. I mean, you like me well
enough, and we get along, and-- and then you go all stiff.

Simon: I-- I'm not, um-- I didn't--

Kaylee: See? You're doin' it right now. What's so damn important about
bein' proper? It don't mean nothin' out here in the black.

Simon: It means more out here. It's all I have. I mean, my way of
being... polite... or however it's-- Well, it's the only way I have of
showing you that I like you. I'm showing respect.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Audiobook Voice: In the war to unite the planets, the Battle of
Serenity was the most devastating and decisive. Located on Hera, the
valley was considered a key position by both sides, and was bitterly
fought over. The Independent faction, with 16 brigages and 20 air-tank
squads, held the valley against the Alliance forces for almost two
months, until superior numbers...

Zoe [interrupts]: What does it say under 'Bloodbath?'

Simon: ... I was just trying-

Zoe: We're not in there. The book, I mean. We're not generals or
diplomats. We didn't turn the tide of glorious history, or whatever
that thing is supposed to spew.

Simon: Well, you know what they say. History is programmed by the
winners.
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Zoe: Nearly half a million people lay dead on that field at day's end,
about a third of them "winners". Can you imagine that smell? Can you
imagine piling up the bodies of soldiers, of friends, to build a wall
'cause you got no cover?
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Zoe: Are those really med-ships? Are we really getting out?

Mal: We are.

Zoe: Thank God.

Mal: God? Whose colors he flyin'?
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Zoe: Mercy, forgiveness, trust... those are things we left back there.
What he has now is the ship. The ship, and us on it. If you can get
Kaylee through this, I think he'll do right by you. He won't kill
unless he's got no other option.

Simon: What if he tells you to kill me?

Zoe: I kill you.

Simon: Just getting the lay of the land.
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Simon: If that battle was so horrible, why'd he name the ship after it?

Zoe: Once you've been in Serenity, you never leave. You just learn to
live there.
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Book: If I may ask... what made you pick this ship?

Simon: It looked disreputable.

Book: Well, you're not without critical judgement. You didn't happen
to look at the name, I suppose?

Simon: What, Serenity, right? That's a joke.
                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity" (Deleted Scene)
%
Tanaka: Damn brown coats. Should've wiped them out when had chance.

Book (quietly): Always thought you needed a bit more evidence to
convict a man than the color of his coat.

Inara: So did I.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Quillan: You were very loyal to your troops.  An admirable quality,
but I hope that you're not under any illusions that just because this
man was an independent, that he's innocent and needs your protection.

Mal: The war was awhiles back. Now I'm just looking to make that bounty.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Jonah: Nice heft.

Jayne: You should see the hole it can make in a man.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Mal: So, do you guys have anything on this guy other than he was an
Independent?

Quillan: I have my men checking other leads, but to be honest Captain,
this feels right.

Mal: Really? And you deduced that by some sort of intuition?

Quillan: I deduced that by the fact that he ran.

Mal: Sure. Gotcha. Good logic. Seems all matter of smart. Course,
guess I'd run too if I had a herd of yokels lookin' to beat the
horses' snot out of me.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Jonah: Well, shoot, doubt this piece of rustin' dust would be able to
find a stick of dynamite up a donkey's ass.

Mal: Well, lucky for us there's no donkeys on this planet.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Zoe: Everton... come on, he was so by the book he'd get upset if I
pissed without getting your approval to leave.

Mal: Remember when he wanted to write up Winters because he wouldn't
shave?

Zoe: Well, it was a pretty stupid lookin' mustache.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Wash: Let out some of the starch, darling.  You're not in the military
anymore.

Zoe: It's not that, it's...

Wash: Yeah, yeah. Who you are. The code.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Book: Have you always been this happy?

Kaylee: From the day I was born'd. Seems like on all the choices,
happy just belonged to me.
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Jayne: [as Lund raises a gun] Hey, hey, hey, them ain't kosherized
rules.

Lund: I'm thinkin' somebody needs to put you down, dog. What do you
think?

Mal: I'm thinking we'll rise again.
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: My work's illegal, but at least it's honest.
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
We didn't fly 86 million miles to track down a box of Band-Aids, Colonel.
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Kaylee: You shouldn't be so rude to him.

Jayne: Why? Cause he's all rich and fanciable?
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
[After Kaylee has been shot]

Simon: Kaylee, move your feet. Kaylee, stay with me. Stay with me. Can
you move your feet?

Kaylee: Are you asking me to dance?
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Monty: "Mal, why you got a piece trained on my wife?"

Mal: "She ain't your wife."

Monty: "Huh. I married her, didn't I?"

Mal: "You ain't the only one. ... She ain't your wife, 'cause
she's married to me."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "Oh you are a tweaked one, you are."

Saffron: "But face it, hubby. I'm really hot."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: My name's not Yolanda.

Mal: Never entered my mind it was.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Inara: "Would you like some tea?"

Mal: "Okay."

Inara: "I offered you tea."

Mal: "Mm hm. After inviting me into your shuttle of your own free
will. Which makes two events without precedent. Which makes me more
than a little sketched."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Firefly's universe mirrors our own in that it is fundamentally unfair,
which is the lesson that Mal learns when the Independents surrender
and his heart breaks into a thousand tiny, jagged pieces.  And from
that point until the final shots of Serenity and probably after,
Mal is furious ... It's not just, as my brother put it after seeing
the film, that we can't decide whether Mal is a hero or a complete
bastard--we can't decide what kind of hero, or what kind of complete
bastard, he is...
                           -- Abigail Nussbaum, from a review of Firefly
%
"Earth-that-was could no longer sustain our numbers, we were so
many. We found a new solar system, dozens of planets and hundreds
of moons. Each one terra-formed a process taking decades, to
support human life, to be new earths. The Central Planets formed
the Alliance. Ruled by an interplanetary parliament, the Alliance
was a beacon of civilization. The savage outer planets were not so
enlightened and refused Alliance control. The war was devastating,
but the Alliance's victory over the Independents insured a safer
universe. And now everyone can enjoy the comfort, and enlightenment of
our civilization."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "You have to open with payment."

Operative: "That is a trap. I offer money, you'll play the man of
honor and take umbrage; I ask you to do what is right and you'll play
the brigand. I have no stomach for games."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "In the time of war, we would never have left a man behind."

Mal: "Maybe that's why we lost."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "I don't care what you believe in, just believe in it."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "I don't think my last act in this 'verse is gonna be betraying
my sister."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "You manage to find the bright side to every single thing."

Kaylee: "Tell me more good stuff about me."

Simon: "You always say what you mean, and your eyes... I don't
know how to... Plus, every other girl I know is either married,
professional, or closely related to me, so you are more or less
literally the only girl in the world."

Kaylee: "That's a hell of a thing to say."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Jayne: "We're ammoed up pretty good. Got a discount too, on account of
my intimidating manner."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Ammon: "I've broken no law!"

Womack: "Transportation of human cargo -- especially dead cargo --
through the Allied postal system is punishable by five to ten years on
a penal moon. Plus, you don't know this yet, but you resisted arrest."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal [describing Saffron]: "A brilliant, beautiful, evil double
crossing snake."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: "The war buddy bond is a tough one to crack. I knew if I shot
you I'd lose Monty anyway. You just had a better hand of cards this
time."

Mal: "It ain't a hand of cards. It's called a life! I've got a better
life than you."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Wash: "What's she doing on the ship!? Didn't she try to kill us?"

Saffron: "Please. Nobody died last time... right? Where's the old guy
with the hair?"
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal [speaking to Saffron]: "You don't want him knowing the
truth. Unlike all the, I'm gonna go with hundreds, of men you've
married, you actually want this one to think well of you after you've
gone. My god... Could it be that I've just met your real husband?"
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Kaylee: "You can't take it out the front door, nor the back door, nor
any door. Every piece of pretty is tagged for the scanners."

Saffron: "Right. So what do we do?"
Kaylee: "You chuck it in the garbage."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal [speaking to Saffron]: "I don't reckon you've killed many. Just
put 'em in a position to die easy."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Simon: "I always thought the name Serenity had a vaguely funereal
sound to it."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Jayne: Smellin' a lot of "if" comin' off this plan.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Alliance Commander: That's a very loyal crew you have there. But
then I can tell by your record you have a tendency to inspire that
quality in people. Sergeant.

Mal: It's not Sergeant. Not no more. The war's over.

Alliance Commander: For some the war will never be over.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Alliance: Firefly-class transport, you are ordered to release control
of your helm. Prepare to dock and be boarded.

Mal: Looks like civilization finally caught up with us.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: It's a real burden being right so often.

Wash: What is that?

Mal: Booby trap. Reavers sometimes leave them for the rescue
ship. Triggered it when we latched on.

Wash: And when we detach?

Mal: It blows.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Jayne: Well I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking.

Inara: No one likes the idea of someone hearing what you're thinking.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
[After River has attacked Jayne with a butcher's knife]

Simon: She probably didn't even know what was going on. Thought it was
a game.

Jayne: Later on you can explain to me how that's a comfort.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
"The star that shines briefly. The shows that have a very short run
but everybody kinda goes 'that was something special'... that was
Firefly."
              -- Jane Espenson, Firefly series writer, on the series DVD
%
"The source of more joy and pain that anything I've ever done... when
I look back on it it shines."
                   -- Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly, on the series DVD
%
"It's about nine people looking into the blackness of space and seeing
nine different things."
                   -- Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly, on the series DVD
%
"Every piece of history is a piece of human nature."
                   -- Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly, on the series DVD
%
"Why I do this is not to make things that people like. It's always to
make things that people love."
                   -- Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly, on the series DVD
%
"Firefly was instantly hailed by critics as one of the most cancelled
shows of the year. This movie should not exist, failed TV shows do not
get made into major motion pictures."
                   -- Joss Whedon, creator of Firefly, on the series DVD
%
Book: I will not sit by while there's killing.

Mal: The way it is is the way it is. We gotta deal with what's in front of us.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: How we treat our dead is part of what makes us different than
those did the slaughtering.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Book: I've been on the ship eight months now. I'm not certain I'll
ever actually know the captain.
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: I ain't sayin' there's any peace to be had, but on the
off-chance there is, those folks deserve a little of it.

Inara: Just when I think I've got you figured out {she walks off}.

Kaylee: That was real pretty, Captain. What you just said.

Wash: Didn't think you were one for rituals and such.

Mal: I'm not. But it'll keep the other busy for awhile. Don't
always need to concern them with what's to be done.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Kaylee: "You are pretty funny."

Simon: "And you're pretty... pretty."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: I'm no good with words. Don't... don't use 'em much myself.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: Niska's people are waiting. They're not partial to waiting.

Wash: Let 'em read a magazine. We don't make the sale until Mal and
Zoe are back on the boat.

Jayne: These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me.
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: Outta the way.

Book: You're not killing this man.

Jayne: Not right away.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee: You seem so young to be a doctor.

Simon: Yeah. You're pretty young to be a ship's mechanic.

Kaylee: I know how. Machines just got workins' and they talk to me.

Book: That's a rare gift.

Kaylee: Well not like being a doctor. Helping fix people. That's important.

Jayne: Little Kaylee here just wishes you was a gynecologist.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: Any one you walk away from, right? Long as we got the goods,
I call this a win.

Mal: Right. We win.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: I'm no good with words. Don't... don't use 'em much myself.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Badger: What were you in the war? That big war you failed to win? You
were a sergeant, yeah? Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds ... balls and
bayonets brigade. Big, tough veteran. Now you got yourself a ship, and
you're a captain. Only I think you're still a sergeant, see? Still a
soldier. A man of honor in a den of thieves. Well, this is my gorramn
den, and I don't like the way you look down on me. I'm above you,
better than! Businessman, see? Roots in the community. You're just
a scavenger.

Malcolm: Well, maybe I'm not a fancy gentleman like you, with your
... very fine hat. But I do business.
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Badger: The man's taken an irrational dislike to me.

Jayne: What happened? He see your face?
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we
are so...very...pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "Everything looks good from here... (beat...playing with plastic
dinosaurs over his console) Yes. Yes, this is a fertile land, and we will
thrive."

(as Stegosaurus) "We will rule over all this land, and we will call it...
'This Land'."

(as T-Rex) "I think we should call it...your grave!"

(Stegosaurus) "Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

(T-Rex) "Ha ha HA! Mine is an evil laugh...now die!"
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...
                                      -- Joss Whedon, Firefly Theme Song
%
Mal: "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that can stop Kaylee
from being cheerful." (he smiles at her, never stopping working) "Sometimes
you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."

Kaylee: (kisses Mal) "I love my captain."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Something ain't right."

Wash: "Sweetie, we're crooks.  If everything were right, we'd be in jail."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "Just a couple of days lying around.  You with the bathing,
me with the watching you bathe."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee: "I'd sure like to get a new compression coil."

Mal: "And I'd like to be the king of all Londinum and wear a shiny hat."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Wheel always keeps on turning, Badger."

Badger: "That only matters to people on the rim."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Badger: "Crime and politics, little girl.  The situation is
always... fluid."

Jayne: "The only fluid I see here is the puddle of piss refusing to
pay our wage."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: "The destination's not important.  How you get there's the worthier
part."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: "Been out of the world for a spell.  Like to walk it a while."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into
nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Jayne! Your mouth is talking, you'd might wanna look to that."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again."

Mal: "Why not?"

Zoe: "She shot you."

Mal: "Well, yeah, she did a bit..."

. . .
Mal: Did you send word to Patience?

Wash: Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?

Mal: Everyone's makin' a fuss!
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Now I did a job. I've got nothing but trouble since I did it,
not to mention more than a few unkind words as regards my character.
So let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job, and then I get
paid.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Ain't no way in the verse they could find that compartment, even if
they were lookin' for it."

Zoe: "Why not?"

Mal: "... cause?"

Zoe: "Oh yeah, this is going to go great."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just...you know... shoot 'em."

Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"

Mal: "Politely."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Send word to Patience?"

Wash: "Haven't heard back yet.  Didn't she shoot you one time?"

Mal: "Everyone's making a fuss."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?"

Mal: "Public relations."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: "Captain, do you mind if I say grace?"

Mal: "Only if you say it out loud."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "How's business?"

Inara: "None of yours."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: "The important thing is the spices.  A man could live on enough
packaged food from here till judgment day as long as he has
enough rosemary."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "That's what governments are for, to get in a man's way."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Simon: (concerning Jayne) "What do you pay him for?"

Mal: "Public relations."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Inara: "So, would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?"

Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few
very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has lepers."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?"
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Now, you only gotta scare him."

Jayne: (beat) "Pain is scary."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "It's a girl. Cute too.  'Cept I don't think she's all there,
you know?  Course, not all of her has to be."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "I was gonna get me an ear."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "What will they do?"

Zoe: "If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh and
sew our skins into their clothing and if we're very very lucky, they'll
do it in that order."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Patience: "I have to say I didn't look to be hearing from you any time soon."

Mal: "Well, we may not have parted on the best of terms. I realize certain
words were exchanged, also, certain... bullets."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I believe that woman's planning to shoot me again."

Jayne: "Here's  a little concept I been workin' on. Why don't we shoot
her first?"

Wash: "It is her turn."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?"

Mal: "I'm standing right here."

Jayne: "You're coming through good and loud."

Mal: "'Cause I'm standing right here."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Don't think its a good spot sir, she still has the advantage over us."

Mal: "Everyone always does.  That's what makes us special."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea."

Zoe: "Thanks for sayin', sir."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Sir, I'd like you to take the helm pleases.  I need this man to
tear all my clothes off."

Wash: "Work, work, work."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Had a good day."

Simon: "You had the alliance on you, criminals and savages, half the people
on this ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself, and
you're harboring known fugitives."

Mal: "We're still flyin'."

Simon: "That's not much."

Mal: "It's enough."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: (to Simon) "If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me,
and you'll be armed."
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
(Mal makes a move in Chinese Checkers)

Zoe: "That's a bold move."

Mal: "I live on the edge."

(Zoe makes a devastating move)

Jayne (to Mal): "Nice work, dumbass."

Mal: "I've given some thought to moving off the edge. Not an ideal location.
Maybe a place in the middle...."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Drunk: "Hey, you gonna toast unification with me?  Six years today, the
Alliance sent the Browncoats runnin', pissin' their pants... You know, your
coat is kinda a brownish color."

Mal: "It was on sale."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Drunk: "I'm thinking you're one of them Independents."

Mal: "And I'm thinking you weren't overburdened with schooling. So why don't
we both ignore each other until we go away."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Say that to my face."

Drunk: "I said, you're a coward, and a pisspot.  Now what are you
going to do about it?"

Mal: "Nothing!  I just wanted you to face me so she could get behind
you." (Zoe punches the thug out) "Drunks are so cute."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "Hey, I didn't fight in no war. Best of luck, though."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: (into com) "Wash, we've got some local color happening. Your grand
entrance would not go amiss right now."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
(Zoe, Mal, and Jayne are backed up against the edge of a cliff by a bunch of
drunken brawlers)

Mal: "There's just an acre of you fellas, ain't there?" (to Zoe) "This is
why we lost, you know. Superior numbers."

Zoe: "Thanks for the re-enactment, sir."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Wash: "Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this
little moon."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "Damn yokels can't even tell a transport freighter ain't got no guns on
it."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Kaylee: "So, what happened? Was there a terrible brawl?"

Zoe: "Oddly enough, there was."

Wash: "Are you getting my wife into trouble?"

Mal: "What? I didn't start it! I just wanted a quiet drink."

Zoe: "Funny, sir, how you always seem to find yourself in an
Alliance-friendly bar come U-Day, looking for a quiet drink."

Mal: "See, this is another sign of your tragic space dementia, all paranoid
and crotchety. It breaks the heart."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Ladies and menfolk: We've got ourselves a job."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Take us out of the world Wash, we've got us some crime to be done."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on
occasion, hilarious."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
River: "Mal. Bad. In the Latin."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "She's a little whimsical in the brainpan, seems calm enough though"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Book: "That young man's very brave."

Mal: "Yeah.  He's my hero!"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Well, what about you, Shepherd? How come you're flying about with us
brigands? I mean, shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the
Fuzzie-Wuzzies or some such?"

Book: "Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here."

Mal: "If I'm your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You're welcome on my
boat. God ain't."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: "You have such lovely hair. I'm sure the doctor would agree."

Kaylee: "Who, Simon? No, he's too... I'm just... Do you think it would look
better up?"

Inara: "We could experiment. We might even get wild later and wash your
face."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: "There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide. You try to
feel that..."

Mal: "And then you try to feel the energy around their credit account. It has
a sort of aura..."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: (pissed) "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"

Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?"

Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was 'don't'."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there
monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "You're servicing crew now?"

Inara: "In your lonely and pathetic dreams."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: "Mal! If you're being a gentleman, I may die of shock."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Niska: "You have seen Crow.  He loves to stand at the door to say 'Boo!'"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Niska: "Ooh!  You do not like I kill this man?"

Mal: "Oh, no. I'm sure he... was a very bad person."

Niska: "My wife's nephew.  At dinner I am getting earful.
There is no way out of that."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Zoe: "He's a psycho, you know.  Niska."

Mal: "He's not the first psycho to hire us, or the last.  You think that's a
commentary on us?"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: "You could always pray they make it back safely."

Book: "I don't think the captain would much like me praying for him."

Inara: "So don't tell him. I never do."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Zoe: "Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Hell, this job I would pull for free!"

Zoe: "Then can I have your share?"

Mal: "No."

Zoe: "If you die can I have your share?"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Simon: "So, what are we doing?"

Kaylee: "Oh, crime."

Simon: "Crime?  Good, OK... crime..."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "Time for some thrilling heroics."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "These are stone killers, little man. They ain't cuddly like me."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
River: "They won't stop. They'll never stop. They'll just keep coming
until they get back what you took. Two by two, hands of blue. Two by
two, hands of blue..."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "How's about you shut that crazy mouth?  Is that a fun game?"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Whatever happens, remember I love you."

Zoe: "Sir?"

Mal: "Because you're my wife."

Zoe: "Right, sir... honey."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "That sounds like the Alliance.  Unite all the planets under one rule
so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is?  It's the chain I go get and
beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Jayne: "You can't change that... by gettin' all... bendy."

Wash: "All what?"

Jayne: "You got the... the light... from the console... keep you... lift you
up.  They shine like... (snatching at the air)... little angels..." (falls
over, unconscious)

Wash: "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Inara: "Zoe. What would your husband say if he knew you were here?"

Zoe: "I... I was weak."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Sheriff: "His story had kind of an odor to it."

Inara: "Yes. It's not the only thing about him that does."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Nice shot."

Jayne: "I was aiming for his head."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Sheriff: "You were truthful back in town -- these are tough
times. A man can get a job, he might not look too close at what
that job is. But a man learns all the details of a situation like
ours.... well, then he has a choice. "

Mal: "I don't believe he does."
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Mal: "Now, this is all the money Niska gave us in advance.  You
bring it back to him, tell him the job didn't work out.  We're not
thieves. (beat)  Well, we are thieves.  Point is, we're not taking
what's his.  Now, we'll stay out of his way the best we can from here
on in.  You explain that that's best for everyone, okay?"

Crow: "Keep the money.  Use it to buy a funeral.  It doesn't matter where
you go, or how far you fly.  I will hunt you down, and the last thing you
see will be my blade."

Mal: "... Darn." (kicks Crow solidly, knocking him into one of Serenity's
engines and killing him.  A second henchman is brought forward).  "Now, this
is all the money Niska gave us in advance..."

Henchman: (overeager) "Oh, I'm good!  Best thing for everyone!  I'm right
there with you!"
                                 -- Firefly, Episode #2, "The Train Job"
%
Zoe: "Proximity alert. Must be coming up on something."

Wash: (alarmed) "Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying
this thing!?" (deadpan) "Oh right, that would be me. Back to work."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Jayne: "Tell you what I think -- I figure that fellow we ran into, did
everyone on board. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his
blood boiled out his ears."

Wash: "You're a very 'up' person."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Book: "Should I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?"

Mal: "I'd rather if you didn't."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Jayne: "It's impressive what 'nothing' can do to a man. Like that fellow we
bumped into. He's likely stuck up under our belly about now. That's what
space trash does, you know. Kind of latches onto the first big something
stops long enough. Hey, now -- that'd be a bit like you and your sister,
wouldn't it?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: "No one's gonna hurt you... any more than we already did."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Simon: "Ah, yes.  He's a real beast.  It's a wonder you're still alive."

Jayne: "...Looked bigger when I couldn't see him."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: "Reavers might take issue with that philosophy.  If they had a
philosophy.  If they weren't too busy gnawing at your insides."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Kaylee: "Looks like they've jury-rigged it with a pressure catch. It's the
only thing that'd work with all these spare parts. We could probably bypass
that easy, we get to the DC line."

Mal: "You tell me right now, little Kaylee, you really think you can do
this?"

Kaylee: "Sure. Yeah. I think so. 'Sides, if I mess up, not like you'll be
able to yell at me."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: "Stack everything here, in plain sight.  Wouldn't want it to seem like
we got anything to hide.  It might give them Alliance boys the wrong
impression."

Wash: "Or the right one."

Mal: "That too."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Commander: "Looks to me like an illegal salvage operation."

Mal: "It does?  That's discouraging."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Alliance Commander: "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?"

Zoe: "Fought with a lot of people in the war."

Alliance Commander: "And your husband?"

Zoe: "Fight with him sometimes, too."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Alliance Commander: "Is there any particular reason you don't wish to
discuss your marriage?"

Zoe: "Don't see that it's any of your business, is all. We're very
private people."

[Cut to Zoe's husband Wash.]

Wash: "The legs! [laughs] Oh yeah, definitely have to say it was
her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her
legs... meet her back. Tha-- actually, that whole area. That,
and... and above it. [...] Have you seen what she wears? Forget about
it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Alliance Commander: "Seems odd you'd name your ship after a battle you were
on the wrong side of."

Mal: "May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong
one."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
River: "Let's go again!"

Simon: "Later.  Maybe."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Jayne: "You saved his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn."
[jerk]

Mal: "He had to.... Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Inara: "I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key
seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal [pulls out a wallet]: Took this right off him. And he earned that
with the sweat of his slave-trading brow.

Inara: Mal!

Mal: "'Course, they won't discover it 'til they order the next round of
drinks."

Thug: "Wei."

Mal: "Good drinker, that one."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Zoe: "I thought you'd get land-crazy, that long in port."

Wash: "Probably, but I've been sane a while now and change is good."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt"

Zoe: "Wasn't planning on the dirt kissing, sir."

Wash: "I wouldn't stand for it anyway, captain, jealous man like me."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Wash: (Off an alarm sounding from the console) "Closing in."

Zoe: "Planet's coming up a mite fast."

Wash: "That's just cause I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill
us all."

Mal: "Well, that happens, let me know."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Hmmm.  It sounds like one of the finest parties I could imagine
getting paid to go to."

Inara: "I don't suppose you'd find it up to standards of your outings.  More
conversation and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: "Look at the pretties!"

Wash: "What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: (pointing to a pink frilly dress) "Say, look at the fluffy one!"

Zoe: "Too much foofaraw. If I'm going to wear a dress, I'd want something
with some slink."

Wash: "You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I
have money for a slinky dress?"

Jayne: "I'll chip in."

Zoe: (to Jayne) "I can hurt you."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: "I like the ruffles.  Inara gets to wear whatever she wants.

Mal: "What are you going to do in that rig?  Flounce around the engine room?
Be like a sheep walking on its hind legs"

(Kaylee storms off)

Zoe: (angry) "See ya on the ship, Captain."

Jayne: "She mad or somethin?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Badger: "Captain Reynolds, heard you was in town, though we might have
a bit of a sit down."

Mal: "Prefer a bit of a piss off."

Badger: "I'm very sorry, did I give you the impression I was asking?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Seems to me the last time there was a chance for a little palaver, we
were all manner of unwelcome."

Jayne: (drinking) "This ain't bad."

Badger: "There's a trick to it: wood alcohol."

Mal: "Now we're favored guests, treated to the finest in beverages that make
you blind."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "You backed out of a deal last time, left us hanging..."

Jayne: "...hurt our feelings."

Mal: "You recall why that took place?"

Badger: "Had a problem with your attitude is why. Though you
was... what's the word..."

Jayne: "Pretentious?"

Badger: "Exactly!  You think you better than other people!"

Mal: "Just the ones I'm better than."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Does, uh... does this seem kind of tight?"

Kaylee: "Shows off your backside. Did you see the chandelier? It's hovering."

Mal: ""What's the point of that, I wonder.  I mean I see the how they did it,
I'm just not getting the why."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: "These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I-- how
'bout that!"

Mal: "Yeah, well, just be careful. We cheated Badger out of good money to
buy that frippery, and you're supposed to make me look respectable."

Kaylee: "Yessir, Captain Tight Pants."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Okay, help me find our man; he's supposed to be older. Kind of stocky,
wears a red sash crossways."

Kaylee: "Why does he do that?"

Mal: "Maybe he won the Miss Persephone pageant. Just help me look."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: "Is that him?"

Mal: "That's the buffet table."

Kaylee: "Well, how can we be sure, unless we question it?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: "I'm not saying the 80-04's hard to repair, it just ain't worth it."

Older Farmer: "It's a fine machine, you just keep it tuned."

Kaylee: "Tsai boo shr." [That's not it.] "The extenders ain't braced."

Murphy: "I've been telling him to buy the 80-10 for years."

Kaylee: "Those 'tenders snap off, don't matter how good the engine's
cycling."

Younger Farmer: "Miss Kaylee, I wonder if I could request the honor of...."

Murphy: (interrupting) "Wait a minute. Let her talk. She's talking. Dance
later."

Kaylee: "By the way, the 80-10's the same machine, they just changed the
plating and hope no one noticed."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Zoe: (sighs) "I thought you wanted to spend more time off ship this visit."

Wash: "I don't know.  Out there it seems like all fancy parties. I like our
party better.  The dress codes easier and I know all the steps."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Wash: "Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character. Ask
anyone! You're acting captain. Know what happens you fall asleep now?"

Zoe: "Jayne slits my throat and takes over."

Wash: "That's right."

Zoe: "And we can't stop it."

Wash: "Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case. I'll read a nice
poem at the funeral. Something with imagery."

Zoe: "You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay."

Wash: "Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now. 'Here lies my
beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all
corpsified and gross'..."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
kaylee: "Don't you just love this party? Everything's so fancy and they
have some kind of hot cheese over there!"

Bitca: "It's not as good as last year."

Kaylee: "Oh, really? What'd they have last year?"

Bitca: "Standards."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Gentleman: "Why, Banning Miller! What a vision you are in your fine dress.
It must have taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup.
Of course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to
get you out of it again."

...

"I cannot abide useless people."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Harrow: "I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife."

Mal: "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife
community."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "I see Kaylee's here."

Mal: "Cried Cinderella tears. You should have seen her when I told her she
could have that layer cake she's wearing."

Inara: "I think she looks adorable."

Mal: "Yeah, but I never said it."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal [on being offered the use of a sword]: "Use of a swhat?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Kaylee: Up until the punching, it was a real nice party.
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Simon: "The captain's a good fighter, must know how to handle a sword."

Zoe: "I think he knows which end to hold."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "Atherton's a heavy sleeper the night before a big day. You know, he's
got the killing in the morning, then a haircut later."

Mal: "Such a comfort, having friends visit at a time like this."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "I actually thought I was defending your honor and I _never_ back down
from a fight!"

Inara: "Yes, you do. You do all the time."

Mal: "Well... yea... but I'm not backing down from this one."

Inara: "He's an expert swordsman, Mal -- you had trouble with the pillar. How
will your death help my honor?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Jayne: "What we need's a diversion. I say Zoe gets naked."

Wash: "Nope."

Jayne: "I could get naked."

Wash and Simon, in unison: "No!"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Badger: "Why ain't she talking? She's got a secret."

River: "Sure, I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem likely I'd
tell them to you now, do it?  Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better
than to talk to strangers.  You're talkin' loud enough for the both
of us, though, ain't ya?  I've known a dozen like you. Skipped off
home early.  Run graft jobs 'ere and there.  Spent some time in the
lockdown, but less than you claim.  Now you're what?  Petty thief with
illusions of standing.  Sad little king of a sad little hill."

Badger: "...Nice to see someone from the old homestead."

River: "Not really."  (to Simon)  "Call me if anyone interesting shows up."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Jayne: "That there? Exactly the kind of diversion we could have used."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "Attack." (Mal lunges at her with sword; she sidesteps and swats him
on the butt; he grunts in pain) "How did I avoid that?"

Mal: "By being fast like a freak?"
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "You have a strange sense of nobility. You'll lay a man out for
implying I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "You are always breaking the rules, no matter what society you're in!
You don't get along with ordinary criminals either, which is why you are
constantly getting in trouble!"

Mal: "And you think following rules will buy you a nice life, even if the
rules make you a slave."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "Don't take his offer."

Inara: "What?"

Mal: "Don't do it.  Because in the case that it happens, that means he's
the fellow that killed me. And I don't like fellows that killed me, not
in general."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Harrow: "You have to finish it, lad. You have to finish it. For a man to lay
beaten... and yet breathing? It makes him a coward."

Inara: "It's humiliation."

Mal: "Sure. It would be humiliating. Having to lie there while the better
man refuses to spill your blood. Mercy is the mark of a great man. (lightly
stabs Atherton with the sword) Guess I'm just a good one. (stabs him again)
Well, I'm all right."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Atherton: "You set this up, whore! After I bought and paid for you. I
should have uglied you up so no one else would want you."

Mal: "See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Atherton: "Well, get ready to starve! I'll see to it you never work again."

Inara: "Actually, that's not how it works. You see, you've earned
yourself a black mark in the client registry. No Companion is going to
contact with you ever again."

Harrow: "You'll have to rely on your winning personality to get
women. God help you."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Harrow: "You didn't have to wound the man."

Mal: "Yeah, I know, it was just funny."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Jayne: "We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated
escape-and-rescue operation."

Wash: "I was going to watch. It was very exciting."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "Thank you for the wine. It's very... fresh."

Mal: "To Kaylee, and her inter-engine fermentation system."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "Are you in pain?"

Mal: "Absolutely. I got stabbed, you know. Right here."

Inara: "I saw."

Mal: "Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "It wasn't entirely a disaster."

Mal: "I got stabbed! Right here!"

Inara: "You also lined up exciting new crime."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Mal: "It's good to have cargo.  Makes us a target for every other scavenger
out there of course, but, sometimes that's fun too."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: "I am grateful, you know. For the ill-conceived and high-handed attempt
to defend my honor although I didn't want you to."

Mal: "Gracious as that is, as I look back, probably should have stayed out of
your world."
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
River: "We got outflanked by an Independent squad, and we're never
gonna make it back to our platoon. We need to resort to cannibalism."

Simon: "That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?"

River: "They got lost. We're going to have to eat the men."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mr. Tam: "I will not have it in my house. But since your mother's already
ordered one, I guess I might as well give up the fantasy that this is my
house."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "So, she's added cussing and hurling about of things to her repertoire.
She really is a prodigy."

Simon: "It's just a bad day."

Mal: "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand?
You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of
like a...a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd."

Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle."

Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two
miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we
unload, she can holler until our ears bleed." (to River) "Although I would
take it as a kindness if she didn't."

River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate
vacuuming systems."

Mal: (to Simon) "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long
as she does it quiet-like."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "You know, they walk just as easy if you lead them."

Jayne: "I like smackin' them."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Zoe: "Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller."

Wash: "Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles..."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
River: "Little soul big world.  Eat and sleep and eat...  Many souls.  Very
straight, very simple"

Mal: "Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em.  Suddenly,
we're on Jiangyin and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts?"

River: "They weren't cows inside.  They were waiting to be, but they forgot.
Now they see sky and they remember what they are."

Mal: "Is it bad that what she just said makes perfect sense to me?"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has this preference for
things going smoothly. She makes things not be smooth."

Simon: "Right. I'm very sorry she tipped off anyone about your cunningly
concealed herd of cows."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Inara: "Does it seem every supply store on every border planet has the same
five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of... What is this?  A duck?"

Kaylee: "That's a swan.  And I like it"

Inara: "You do?"

Kaylee: "It looks like it was made with, you know... longing.  Made by a
person who really longed to see a swan."

Inara: "Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "This is the last time.  The last time with cows.  I hear there is
an idea involving beagles, they have smallish droppings?"

Zoe: "I believe so sir. Also, your disreputable men are here."

Mal: "Better go take their money."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Grange: "Scrawny."

Mal: "Milk and hay, three times a day, fed to them by beautiful women."

Jayne: "It was something to see."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Grande: "They's branded."

Mal: "Now you boys are hitting all the selling points.  A fresh
brand is a dead give-away. Claim them as your own."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Grange: "We can go to 25."

Mal: "Well... we'll be taking a loss. But you seem like clean and virtuous
boys. Done."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "It never goes smooth.  How come it never goes smooth?"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Book: "That's... that's quite a lot of blood, isn't it?"

Mal: "Just means you ain't dead."

Book: " 'fraid I might be needin' a preacher."

Mal: "That's good.  You just lie there and be ironical." (to Jayne)
"Stretcher!"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: "Some of these words -- they're misspelled. She started correcting my
spelling when she was three."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Book: "That bad?"

Zoe: "Battle wounds are nothing new to me, preacher. I've seen men live
with a dozen holes in 'em this size."

Book: "That right?"

Zoe: "Surely is. Knew a man once who had a hole clean through his whole
shoulder. Used to keep a spare hankie in there."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Jayne: (mock reading Simon's journal) "Dear Diary...today I was pompous and
my sister was crazy." (flips page) "Today, we were kidnapped by hill folk
never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Kaylee: "Well, we're headed for help... right?"

Zoe: "Captain will come up with a plan."

Kaylee: "That's good. Right?"

Zoe: "Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Zoe: "You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on an
Alliance ship, Cap'n?"

Mal: "Absolutely." (beat) "What's 'sanguine' mean?"

Zoe: " 'Sanguine'. Hopeful. Plus -- point of interest -- it also means
'bloody'."

Mal: "Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don't it?"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Doralee: "Place like this might be good for your sister. Quiet,
safe, place where folks take care of each other."

Simon: "Yes, seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
River: "I took you away from there."

Simon: "No."

River: "I know I did. You don't think I do, but... I get confused. I remember
everything. I remember too much and.... Some of it's made up and... some of
it can't be quantified and there's secrets..."

Simon: "It's okay."

River: "But I understand. You gave up everything to find me, and you found me
broken. It's hard for you. You gave up everything you had."

Simon: "Mei mei, everything I have is right here."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: "These are better than the Camberson's berries."

River: "They are. Except they're poison."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: "It's been a big day, what with the abduction and all."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: "I'm sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River's life
if I'd known there was a dinner party at risk."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mr. Tam: "Are you trying to destroy this family?"

Simon: "I didn't realize it would be so easy."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "What kind of ident card gets us that kind of reception and send off?"

Book: "I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God."

Mal: "No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time.
Whaddya suppose that makes us?"

Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir."

Mal: "Ain't we just!"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "Sorry to interrupt, folks.  Y'all got something that belongs to us
and we'd like it back."

Patron: "This is a holy cleansing, you cannot think to thwart God's will."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big
gun? Now I'm not saying you weren't easy to find but it was kinda out of our
way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill
some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: (to Simon) "Gotta say, doctor, your talent for alienatin' folk is near
miraculous."

Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "Cut her down."

Patron: "That girl is a witch!"

Mal: "Yeah, but she's our witch.  So cut her the hell down!"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: "So finally...a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I'm
sorry."

Mal: "Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: "So Shepard says to a Companion, "Well, a good goat will do that." "
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Bandit #1: "And I think maybe you're gonna give me a little one-on-one
time with the missus."

Jayne/Husband: "Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part.
See, I married me a powerful ugly creature."

Mal/Wife: "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new
people?"

Jayne/Husband: "If I could make you purtier, I would."

Mal/Wife: "You are not the man I met a year ago."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "Now think real hard. You been bird-dogging this township a while now.
They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now you can luxuriate in a nice jail
cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I
will end you."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Inara: "So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn't in the dress?"

Mal: "Tactics, woman! Needed her in the back. 'Sides, them soft cotton
dresses feel kind of nice. There's a whole airflow."

Inara: "And you would know that because...?"

Mal: "You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman,
I'm a mystery."

Inara: "Best keep it that way. I withdraw the question."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "I'm sorry.  Go back to the part where you're my wife."

Saffron: (downcast) "I don't please you."

Mal: "You can't please me.  You've never met me." (Zoe and Jayne enter) "Zoe,
why do I have a wife?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Jayne: "All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining.
How come you got a wife?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Zoe: "Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day
of bliss."

Mal: "There's no bliss!  I don't even know this girl."

Jayne: "Then can I know her?"

Zoe: "Jayne!  Don't sully this."

Mal: "Zoe, you are going to be cleaning out the latrine with your face, you
don't cut that out."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Book: "Who's the new recruit?"

Zoe: "Everybody, I want you to meet Mrs. Reynolds."

Kaylee: "You got married?!"

Simon: "Well, that's... congratulations."

Wash: "We always hoped you two kids would get together.  Who is she?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Kaylee: "Oh, sweetie, don't feel bad.  He makes everybody cry.
He's like a monster."

Mal: "I'm not a monster.  Wash, turn the ship around."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "This isn't happening." (to Saffron) "Will you stop crying?"

Inara: "Oh, for God's sake, Mal, can you be a human being for thirty
seconds?"

Wash: "Speaking as one married man to another..."

Mal: "I am not married!" (to Saffron) "I'm sorry.  You don't shame me, you
have very nice qualities but I didn't ever marry you."

Book: (holding encyclopedia) "I believe you did.  Last night."

(Mal hesitates, as does everyone)

Mal: (to Jayne, quiet) "How drunk was I last night?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Book: "If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very
special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people
who talk at the theater."

Mal: "What -- I am not... preacher, you've got a smutty mind!"

Book: "Perhaps I spoke out of turn."

Mal: "You may perhaps I'm thinking!"

Book: "I apologize.  I'll make her up a room in the passenger dorm."

Mal: "Good"

(Book walks away and around the corner.  A beat later, he pokes his head
back around to speak)

Book: "The *special* hell."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "Are you gonna kill me?"

Mal: "What?  What kind of crappy planet is that?  Kill you?"

Saffron: "In the maiden's home, I heard talk of men who weren't pleased
with their brides, who..."

Mal: "Well I ain't them. And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing.
Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back. Wife or no,
you're no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as
anyone to live and to try to kill people. I mean, you know. People
that are... That's a dumb planet."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "I'd be a good wife."

Mal: "Yeah, well, I'd be a terrible husband.  You got five whole days to
figure that out."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "I didn't think to make enough for your friends." (to Zoe) "But
I've everything laid out if you'd like to cook for your husband..."

(Wash looks at Zoe for a microsecond of hope, before laughing
overcompensationally)

Wash: "Ta ha ha... Isn't she quaint?  I'm just not hungry..."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Zoe: (to Mal) "So, are you enjoying your own nubile little slave girl?"

Mal: (mouth full) "I'm not... (chewing) nubile ... (swallows) Look, she
wanted to make me dinner.  At least she's not crying..."

Wash: "I might.  Did she really make fresh bao?" (notices Zoe's glare)
"Quaint!"

Zoe: "Remember that sex we were planning to have ever again?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "I would appreciate it if one person on this boat did not assume I was
an evil, lecherous hump."

Zoe: "Nobody's saying that, sir."

Wash: "Yeah, we're mostly just giving each other significant glances and
laughing incessantly.  Is that cider?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "Can I come in?"

Inara: "No."

Mal: "See, that's why I usually don't ask."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "Are you offering me a trade?"

Jayne: "A trade!? Hell, it's theft. This is the best damn gun made by man.
It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got."

Mal: "What I got? She has a name."

Jayne: "So does this!" (caresses the gun lovingly) "I call it Vera."

Mal: "Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a
middle."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "Jayne: Go play with your rain-stick."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "You're a good man."

Mal: "You clearly haven't been talking to anyone else on this boat..."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Wash: "Every planet has its own weird customs.  About a year before we met,
I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was
juggling geese.  My hand to God.  Baby geese.  Goslings.  They were juggled"

Zoe: "Of course the man rushes in to defend her..."

Wash: "(Huh?) I'm talking about geese."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: (looking at Saffron, shocked) "Whoa, hey... flesh..."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man
as the furrow to the plow. He shall work in her again and again, 'til she
bring him to his full. And rest him then upon the sweat of her breast."

Mal: "Whoa - good bible..."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell..."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Wash: "Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh (Holy mother
of God and all her wacky nephews), do I wish I was somebody else right now.
Somebody not married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can
kill me with her pinky."

Saffron: "I've been too forward."

Wash: "No.  Well, yes.  But I actually like that in a woman.  That's part of
why Zoe and I are, as previously mentioned, married."

Saffron: "I thought... she didn't seem to respect you."

Wash: "Not everybody gets me and Zoe at first glance.  Did it get very hot
in here?  I need airflow."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Inara: "Come into my shuttle."

Saffron: "You would lie with me?"

(alarms sound)

Inara: "I guess we've lied enough."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "You're good."

Inara: "You're amazing. Who are you?"

Saffron: [sneers arrogantly] "Malcolm Reynolds' widow."

[The two begin to fight.]
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Inara: (to Mal) "You were drugged."

Jayne: "That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth"

(Everyone falls deathly silent)
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Zoe: "So you two were kissing?"

Book: "Well, isn't that... special?"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "You woulda kissed her too!"

Zoe: "Wash didn't."

Mal: "But she was naked!  And... articulate!"

Wash: "Okay.  Everyone NOT talking about their sex lives, in here.  Everyone
else, elsewhere."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Book: "You were victimized, Wash was assaulted, and then Inara found you
here."

Inara (groggy): "And then I fell and hit my head.  Like Wash."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "So why the big act?  What was she after?"

Book: "Besides molesting innocent captains?"

Mal: "You want to stow it, preacher?  We're in some peril here."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Zoe: "If she can fly this thing, why'd she take the shuttle?"

Wash: "Maybe she likes shuttles.  Some people juggle geese!"
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Jayne: "See, Vera? Dress yourself up you get taken out somewhere fun."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: "You gonna kill me?"

Mal: "Can you conjure up a terribly compelling reason for me not to?"

Saffron: "I didn't kill you."

Mal: "You handed me and my crew over to those that would kill us. That buys
you nothing."

Saffron: (smiles) "I made you dinner."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "You got all kinds of learning, and you make me look a fool without even
trying, and yet here I am with a gun to your head. That's cause I got people
with me, people who trust each other, and do for each other, and ain't
always looking for an advantage."

Saffron: "Promise me you're going to kill me soon."
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: "There's more than 70 Earths spinnin' about the galaxy, and
the meek have inherited not a one."
              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds" (Deleted Scene)
%
Simon: "I swear - when it's appropriate."

Kaylee: "Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Kaylee: (seeing Inara off) "Goodbye, now.  Have good sex!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: "My God - you're like a trained ape.  Without the training."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: (to Jayne) "Enemies?  You?  No, how can it be?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: "All right, fine, I'll go... Just, stop describing me."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: "Yes, I... I've heard good things about the mud.  Lots of people
talking about the mud..."

Wash: (to Kaylee) "What happened to Simon?  Who is this diabolical master of
disguise?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Mal: "You wanna tell me how come there's a statue of you here, looking at me
like I owe him something?"

Jayne: "Wishin' I could, Captain."

Mal: "No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me--?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: "Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was here a few years back, like
I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from the magistrate up
on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They
don't...put you on a pedestal in town square for that."

Mal: "Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compelling evidence says they do."

Simon: (staring at the statue) "This must be what going mad feels like."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Wash: (looking at Jayne's statue) "I think they captured him, though.  You
know, captured his essence."

Kaylee: "Looks sorta angry, don't he?"

Wash: "That's kinda what I meant."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: "Uh, hey, I got a idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art
critic 'til I get pinched by the man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work, and get on with our increasingly eerie-ass day.
How's that?"

Mal: "I don't know.  This here's a spectacle might warrant a moment's
consideration."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Book: "What are we up to, sweetheart?"

River: "Fixing your Bible."

Book: "I, um...(alarmed)...what?"

River: "Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make
sense." (she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages)

Book: "No, no. You - you can't... "
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's
creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there.
Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven
eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."

Book: "Really?"

River: "We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to
fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat." (rips out page)
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Book: "River, you don't... fix the Bible."

River: "It's broken.  It doesn't make sense."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Book: "You don't fix faith, River.  It fixes you."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: "Can't be a statue of me.  No reason for it.  Flies in the
face of every kind of sense."

Mal: "Won't argue with that."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Wash: (spits out his first taste of his drink) swears in Chinese

Jayne: "Mmm. They call it 'mudder's milk."

Wash: (gags)

Jayne: "All the protein, vitamins and carbs of you grandma's best
turkey dinner... plus 15 percent alcohol.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Contact: "Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew heard he was
moving contraband through town.  Gave him a peck of trouble for it."

Mal: "What kind of peck was that?"

Contact: "The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with a machete,
rolled him into the bog."

Wash: "They peck pretty hard around here."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
("The Man They Call Jayne" is being sung in the background)

Mal: "Uh, Jayne?"

Jayne: "Yeah, Mal?"

Mal: "You got any light you'd like to shed on this development?"

Jayne: "No, Mal."

Simon: "No... *This* must be what going mad feels like..."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Our Jayne saw the mudders' backs breakin'.
He saw the mudders' lament.
And he saw the Magistrate takin'
every dollar and leavin' five cents.
So he said "You can't do that to my people."
He said "You can't crush them under your heel."
So Jayne strapped on his hat
and in 5 seconds flat
stole everythin' Boss Higgins had to steal.

He robbed from the rich
and he gave to the poor.
Stood up to the man
and gave him what for.
Our love for him now
ain't hard to explain.
The hero of Canton
the man they call Jayne.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Now here is what separates heroes
from common folk like you and I.
The man they call Jayne
he turned 'round his plane
and let that money hit sky.

He dropped it onto our houses
he dropped it into our yards.
The man they called Jayne
he stole away our pain
and headed out for the stars!

Here we go!

He robbed from the rich
and he gave to the poor.
Stood up to the man
and gave him what for.
Our love for him now
ain't hard to explain.
The hero of Canton
the man they call Jayne.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Wash: "We gotta go to a crappy town where I'm a hero!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: "You know... I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I reattached a
girl's leg - her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a
hamster. He drops a box money, he gets a town."

Kaylee: "Hamsters is nice."

Simon: "To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong... thing."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
River: "I tore these out of your symbol, and they turned into paper."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
River: "They say the snow on the roof was too heavy. The ceiling will cave in,
his brains are in terrible danger!"

Book: "River? Please. Why don't you come out?"

River: "No! Can't! Too much hair!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Zoe: "River, honey, he's putting the hair away now."

River: "Doesn't matter.  It'll still be there... waiting."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: "You guys had a riot?  On account of me?  My very own riot?"

Mudder: "I can't believe you're back."

Jayne: (all emotional) "How could I stay away?!!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: "You think we should be using my fame to hoodwink folks?"

Mal: "You better laugh when you say that."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Zoe: "Is that Jayne? Is that really him? Wash, pinch me, I must be
dreaming!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Inara: "I.. I know this man. He's... he just has this idiotic sense of
nobility, you know?  He can never just let things go. He thinks he's this
hard-hearted criminal and he can be unrelenting, but... there's a side to
him that's just so...."

Fess: "You mean you actually know Jayne?"

Inara: "Jayne? Jayne Cobb?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
River: "Just keep walking, preacher-man."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Kaylee: "So, when we made love last night..."

Simon: "When we what???"

Kaylee: "You really are such an easy mark!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Mal: "It's my estimation that... every man ever got a statue made of him was
one kind of sumbitch or another. It ain't about you, Jayne. It's about what
they need."

Jayne: "Don't make no sense."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Zoe: "You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?"

Mal: "What? Come on, seriously, Zoe. Whaddya think?"

Zoe: "Honestly, sir? I think you got robbed."

Mal: "Robbed? What? No. What do you mean?"

Zoe: "It's a piece of fei-oo." [fei-oo. = junk]

Mal: "Fei-oo? Okay, she won't be winning any beauty contests anytime soon.
But she's solid. Ship like this, be with ya 'til the day you die."

Zoe: "Cause it's a deathtrap."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "You are very much lacking in imagination."

Zoe: "I imagine that's so, sir."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "Try and see past what she is, to what she can be."

Zoe: "What's that, sir?"

Mal: "Freedom, that's what."

Zoe: (pointing) "I meant, what's that?"

Mal: "Oh. Yeah, just step around that. I think something must have been living
in here."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Zoe: "Get her running again?"

Mal: "Yeah.

Zoe: "So, not running now?"

Mal: "Not so much."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Jayne: "Now, Inara, she's gotta have some real funny whorin stories, I
wager."

Inara: "Oh, do I ever!  Funny and sexy!  You have no idea.  And you never
will."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Simon: "How did you know?  River, did you...?"

River: "Day is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles.
It's not applicable."  (beat)  "I didn't get you anything."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Kaylee: "Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew.  That's where the
trouble started."

Mal: "I need that in Captain Dummy talk, Kaylee."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Inara: "I love this ship.  I have from the first moment I saw it."

Simon: "I just don't want to die on it."

Inara: "I don't want to die at all."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
River: "Don't be afraid.  That's what it says, don't be afraid."

Book: "Yes."

River: "You're afraid we're going to run out of air.  That we'll die gasping.
But we won't.  That's not going to happen.  We'll freeze to death first."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "Wave your arms around, jump up and down, divert the navsats to the
transmitter, whatever."

Wash: "Divert the navsats to-- Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when
you're about to die!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Wash: "Even if some passerby did happen to receive it, all it would do is muck
up their navigation."

Mal: "Could be that's true."

Wash: "Damn right it's true! They'd be forced to stop and dig out our signal
before they could even go anyplace."

(Mal stares)

Wash: "Well, maybe I should do that, then!"

Mal: "Maybe you should!"

Wash: "Okay!"

Mal: "Good!"

Wash: "Fine!"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Jayne: "What do you two think you're doing?  Fightin' at a time like this."
(beat) "You'll use up all the air."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Kaylee: "Ain't nothin wrong with your grav boot.  Grav boot's just fine.
Hello!"

Bester: "She doesn't... that's not what... no it ain't!"

Kaylee: "Sure it is.  Grav boot ain't your trouble.  I seen the trouble
plain as day when I was down there on my back before..."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "Jayne'll be worth something if you run into trouble, but don't trust
him, and don't let him take over. You're paid up through the end of the
month, this is still your ship."

Inara: "Mal..."

Mal: "As far as your security deposit goes, that I might have to owe you. "
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "If it's Alliance trouble you got, you might want to consider another
ship. Some onboard here fought for the Independents."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Inara: "The Alliance has no quarrel with me. I supported Unification."

Mal: Did ya?  Well, I don't suppose you're the only whore that did."

Inara: "Oh, one further addendum -- that's the last time you get to call me
"whore"."

Mal: "Absolutely. Never again."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "And try not to talk. Talking uses up air.  Ain't no need for it."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Inara: "Mal, you don't have to die alone."

Mal: "Everybody dies alone."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "Which one do you figured tracked us?"

Zoe: "The ugly one, sir."

Mal: (beat) "Could you be more specific?"
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "Well, looks can be deceiving."

Jayne: "Not as deceiving as a lowdown, dirty... deceiver."

Mal: "Well said. Wasn't that well said, Zoe?"

Zoe: "Had a kind of poetry to it, sir."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Jayne: "You want I should shoot 'em now, Marco?"

Marco: "Wait till they tell us where they put the stuff."

Jayne: "That's a good idea.  Good idea. Tell us where the
stuff's at, so I can shoot ya."

Mal: (raises hand) "Point of interest. Offering to shoot us
might not work so well as an incentive as you might imagine."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: "I mean, let's say you did kill us... or didn't. There could be torture
- whatever - but somehow, you found the goods. What would your cut be?"

Jayne: "Seven percent, straight off the top."

Mal: "Seven? Oh."

Jayne: "What?"

Mal: "Hmm? Nothing. Not a thing. No, I just... (to Zoe) does that seem low to
you?"

Zoe: "It does, sir."

Jayne: "That ain't low."

Marco: "Stop it!"

Jayne: "Seven percent, standard."

Mal: (laughs) "Okay. Zoe, I'm paying you too much."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Captain: "Catalyzer's a nothing part, captain."

Mal: "It's nothing until you don't got one. Then it appears to be everything."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Captain: "You would have done the same."

Mal: "You can already see I haven't.  Now get the hell off my ship."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Wash: "Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?"

Inara: "Ariel's quite nice place, actually.  There are some lovely museums,
not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the quadrant."

Wash: "But not boring like she made it sound."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "You could have got off with Shepard Book at Bathgate Abbey.  You could
have been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden by now."

Jayne: "Well, it beats just sitting."

Wash: "It IS just sitting."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Simon: "Could you not do that while we're... ever?"
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Wash: "Two days in a hospital?  Don't you just hate doctors?"

Simon: "Hey!"

Wash: "Present company excluded."

Jayne: "Let's not be excluding people.  That'd be rude."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Wash: "You know, it's all very sweet, stealing from the rich, selling to the
poor..."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Kaylee: "Figures.  First time on the Core and what do I get to do? Dig
through trash.  Why couldn't he send me shopping at the triplex, or...
Oooh, synchronizers!"
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Patients were cynical and not responding and we couldn't bring 'em
back-"

Simon: "They were cyanotic and not responsive."

Simon: (to Jayne) "What about cortical electrodes?"

Jayne: "Oh..." (obviously doesn't know the answer) "We forgot 'em."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Pupils were fixed and dilapidated-"

Simon: "Dilated-"

Mal: "Dilated! Dilated! Ching-wao tsao duh liou mahng!" [Frog-humping
sonofabitch]
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Jayne: "Hell, I don't know. If I'd wanted schooling, I'd have gone to school."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Now all we need is a coupla patients."

Simon: "Corpses, actually. For this plan to work, River and I will have to
be dead."

Jayne: (smiling) "I'm starting to like this plan."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Look, you got a little stabbed the other day.  It's bound
to make anyone a mite ornery."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Jayne: "Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
River (startling Jayne, jumping up from unconsciousness): "Copper for a kiss?"
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Two lefts, two rights, and we're there. You see anyone, smile."

Zoe: "I don't think anyone smiles in hospitals."

Mal: "Course they do, it's the Core. Everyone's rich and happy here, why
wouldn't they smile?"
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Pompous Doctor: "Walk with me a minute."

Mal: "Where're we going?" (Zoe sneaks away, around and behind the doctor)

Pompous Doctor:"You see this badge? It says 'doctor'. I say walk, you
walk."

Mal: "Yeah but, where're we going?"

Pompous Doctor: "You must be new." (Zoe walks up behind him) "Don't get
comfortable, your type never lasts long around here. When your supervisor
hears about the rude and disrespect--ARGH!!!" (falls to the ground,
unconscious, revealing Zoe standing behind him with defib paddles)

Zoe: (shrugs) "Clear."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
River: (cryptically to Jayne) "They took Christmas away."

Jayne: (confused) "What the hell now?"

River: "Came downstairs for the shiny presents...they took the tree, and the
stockings...nothing left but coal."

Jayne: (to Simon) "Would you shut her up?"

River: (to Jayne) "Don't look in the closet, either -- it's greedy."
(smiles) "It's not in the spirit of the holiday."

Jayne: "You shut the hell up right now or so help me, I'll shut you up."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Zoe: "Can we find someplace with a beach?"

Wash: (grinning and skipping to her) "Maybe a naked beach?" (they kiss)

Mal: "Cut it out. Job's not done 'til we're back on Serenity."

Zoe: "Sorry, sir, didn't mean to enjoy the moment."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Simon: "Agent McGinnis, I'm certain you're working under a superior keeping
close tabs on this case. I'm certain of that because important people don't
do fieldwork. I'm also certain your superior wants me and my sister alive.
Now, I'm not going to move from this start until one of two things happens:
you answer my very simple question, or you shoot me."

McGinnis: "We're transferring you to a holding center, until you can be
retrieved."

Simon: "Retrieved? By who?"

McGinnis: "People who want you alive.  People, not me."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Jayne: Shee-nio high tech Alliance crap!"
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Kaylee: "Hey there, Inara! How was your checkup?"

Inara: "Same as last year. What's going on?"

Kaylee: (cheerfully) "Oh well let's see...we killed Simon and River, stole a
bunch of medicine, and now the Captain and Zoe are off springing the others
that got snatched by the feds."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Hey! How was your thing?"

Inara: "As advertised -- lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you
had some excitement."

Mal: "Oh, nothin' much -- lotsa runnin' round, little gunplay...couple
needles."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Simon: "He was amazing! (to Jayne) "We wouldn't be standing here if it
weren't for you."

Jayne: "Well, uh...you're part of my crew."

Mal: (sarcastic) "I think I might cry."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "You called the Feds."

Jayne: "What?  I got pinched!"

Mal: "Which is what happens when you call the Feds."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "You know, I hear tell they used to keelhaul traitors back in the day.
I don't have a keel to haul you on, so..."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Jayne: "What are you taking this so personal for? It ain't like I
ratted you out to the Feds."

Mal: "But you did. You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me! If that's a
concept that you can't seem to wrap your head around, then you got no place
here. You did it to me, Jayne, and that's a fact."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Mal: "Next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to
my face."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
River: "Is it time to go to sleep again?"

Simon: "No, mei mei.  It's time to wake up."
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Book: "He said, 'Live with a man forty years, share his house, his
meals, speak on every subject... then tie him up and hold him over the
volcano's edge.  And on that day, you will finally meet the man.' "

Simon: "What if you don't live near a volcano?"

Book: "I expect he was being poetical."

Simon: "Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you're not a
fan."

Book: "I'm just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your
sister."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Book: "A government is a body of people -- usually notably ungoverned.

Simon: "Now you're quoting the captain."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Book: "Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now.
Got your next heist planned?"

Simon: "No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a
traditionalist."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: "Don't worry, I'm not gonna start any sword fights -- I'm over that
phase."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: "One of you is going to fall and kill yourself, and I'm not cleaning it
up!"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens
me."

Zoe: "It does kind of freeze the blood."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "We mentioned that we were out of rations, and ten minutes later, a bunch
of apples rained into the trench."

Wash: "And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree into a
magical land with unicorns and a harp."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the
highlight of this little adventure."

Zoe: "Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?"

Wash: "You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "I love that you two are old Army buddies, you have wacky stories with
rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?"

Zoe: "You're losing the high ground here, sweetcakes."

Wash: "I'm sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal
because you know he'll shoot it down!"

Zoe: "Right. Because what this marriage needs is one more shouting match."

Wash: "No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it's
kind of crowded."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
River: "Going back. Like apple bits, coming back up."

Simon: "But you felt okay this morning?"

River: "Played with Kaylee. The sun came out and I walked on my feet and heard
with my ears. I ate the bits.. the bits that stay down and I work, I
function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away. The sun
grows dark and chaos has come again.  Its fluids.... What am I?"

Simon: "You are my beautiful sister."

River: "I threw up on your bed."

Simon: "Yup. Definitely my sister."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you
taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead. Me and the
Captain."

Mal: "The Captain who's standing right here telling you that's not gonna
happen?"

Wash: "Well, it's a dangerous mission, sir. I can't stand the thought of
something happening that might cause you two to come back with another
thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: "Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed, so if you two have
something that you need to work out --"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: (to a departing Zoe) "Bye, hon! We promise not to stop for beers with
the fellas!" (sits down, starts the engines, then to Mal) "So, are we gonna
sing army songs or something?"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire."
(beat) "Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Jayne: "I'll be in my bunk."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Book: "This is precision work; sharpshooters. From the look of these wounds,
I'd say a 54-R sniper rifle. Laser sights."

Jayne: "Do a lot of shooting at the abbey there, Shepard?"

Book: "Rabbits."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's
happening, then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this
situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting and
possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna
do. Do you know why? No matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back
with the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now, what do I do?"

Mal: "Probably not talk quite so much."

Wash: "Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight
school, I was laconic."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor and obey."

Mal: "Listen, if..." (beat) "She swore to obey?"

Wash: "Well, no, not... But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys
you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: (to Mal) "Screw you!"

Mal: "Get in line!"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Niska: "This is not enough.  Not enough for two.  But sufficient
perhaps for one.  Ah, now you have to..."

Zoe: "Him. I'm sorry, you were going to ask me to choose, right?
Do you want to finish?"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Simon: "Well, it's a clean cut.  With the right equipment, I should be able
to reattach it.  That's assuming there's a head..."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Niska: "Do you know the writings of Shan Yu?"

Mal: "You starting a book club."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "We're getting him back!"

Jayne: "What are we going to do, clone him?"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Niska: "This is not a time for extraordinary men. Business is not war, heroics
are unseemly. They complicate."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: "Grenades?"

Zoe: "Oh, yes. Thank you, dear."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "We're going to get the captain."

Kaylee: "Oh... Good.... Can they do that?"

Jayne: "No."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say
about killing?

Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of
kneecaps."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "It's like throwing a dart, Jayne, and hitting a bullseye 6,000 miles
away. That's my man."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: "Okay, people -- if it moves, shoot it."

Kaylee: "Unless it's the captain!"

Zoe: "Unless it's the captain."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: "Listen, if you got guests, I can come back later."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
River: "No power in the 'verse can stop me."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
(Mal, fighting with his torturer on the edge of the factory shaft precipice,
is interrupted by the arrival of his crew.  Jayne lifts his gun, and takes
aim; however, Zoe grabs his arm.)

Zoe: "This is something the Captain needs to do himself."

(Jayne lowers his gun)

Mal: (Calling back to them) "No, it's not --"

Zoe: "Oh."  (All aim and fire in unison)
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Inara: "I just wish you'd killed that old bastard."

Mal: "I got regrets on that score my own self."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Simon: "I never shot anyone before."

Book: "I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone yet."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: (unenthusiastically) "I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I...
have to get it on."

Zoe: (unenthusiastically) "I understand.  We have no choice. Take me, sir.
Take me hard."

Jayne: "Now something about that is downright unsettling..."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal (naked, alone in the desert): "Yep... that went well."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Monty: "Damn you, Bridget! Damn you ta Hades! You broke my heart in a
million pieces! You made me love you, and then y-- I SHAVED MY BEARD FOR
YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!"
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Jayne: "Whoa there, Cap'n...tell me you didn't get into a fight with Monty."

Kaylee: "Really? But I thought we loved Monty!" (to Zoe, uncertain) "Don't
we love Monty?"

Zoe: "Sweetie, if he had a tussle with that Sasquatch, we'd be in the dirt
right about now, scoopin' up the Captain's teeth."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Inara: "I'm not sleeping with you, Mal."

Mal: "Uh, no, I think I would have noticed. I think my keenly
trained senses would..."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "This is one of the crazier things I've heard today and when I
tell you about the rest of my day, you'll appreciate..."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "Hey, no, we'll just set course for Planet of the Lonely, Rich, and
Appropriately Hygienic Man. I'll just tell Wash, we can park there for a
month."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Inara: "Right. You're a criminal mastermind. What was the last cargo we
snuck past the Alliance to transport?"

Mal: "That was--"

Inara: "What was the cargo?"

Mal: "They were dolls."

Inara: "They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!"

Mal: "Hey, people love those!"
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "Petty?"

Inara: "I didn't mean petty."

Mal: "What did you mean?"

Inara: "Suo-shee?"

Mal: "That's Chinese for petty."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "I'm confused--"

Saffron: "You're asking yourself: if I've got the security
codes, why don't I grab it for myself?"

Wash: "No, actually, I was wondering...  What's she doing on
this ship?  Didn't she try to kill us?"

Saffron: "Please. Nobody died last time."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Wash: "We're in space.  How'd she get here?"

Mal: "She hitched."

Wash: "I don't recall pulling over."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Jayne: "Captain says you're to stay put. Doesn't want you runnin' afoul of
his blushin' psychotic bride. She figures out who you are, she'll turn you
in 'fore you can say... 'don't turn me in, lady'."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
River: (looking at Jayne) "She's a liar."

Jayne: "That don't exactly set her apart from the rest of us. And the
plunder sounds fun enough."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
River: "She's a liar and no good will come of her."

Jayne: "Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
River: "Jayne is a girl's name."

Jayne: "Well, Jayne ain't a girl!  If she starts in on that 'girl's name'
thing, I'll show her good an' all I got man parts."

Simon: "I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. It's just not
coming."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: (to Durran) "They set on me at Parth, these awful men..."

Mal: "That wasn't me, though.  I don't know those men..."

Saffron: "They said they wanted ransom, but they... they sold me to
slavers..."

Mal: "Also unknown to me."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: "We gotta move fast."

Mal: "Yeah, he might come back and hug us in the act."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: "He's my husband."

Mal: "Well who in the damn galaxy isn't?"
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we
gotta move."

Saffron: "I should've killed Durran."

Mal: "Right. The one guy that don't have it coming. The man who knows you
and still loves you, treachery and all. Can't have him walking about."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: "I've seen you without your clothes on before.  Never thought I'd see
you naked."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: "You won't tell anyone about me breaking down?

Mal: "I won't."

Saffron: "Then I won't tell anyone how easily I got your gun out of your
holster."

Mal: "I'd take that as a kindness."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
River: "Also, I can kill you with my brain."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Inara: "You call this going well?"

Mal: "We got the loot, didn't we?"

Inara: "Yes, but--"

Mal: "Then I call it a win.  What's the problem?"

Inara: "Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the
middle of nowhere... or the part where you have no clothes?"

Mal: "All according to plan."
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Wash: "Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Zoe: "Scared her away again, did you?"

Simon: "This may come as a shock, but I'm actually not very good at talking
to girls."

Zoe: "Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Wash: (to a jar with a cow fetus, mock-serious) "Do not fear me. Ours is a
peaceful race, and we must live in harmony..."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
River: (trying to eat an 'ice-planet') "My food is problematic."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Jayne: "I got post?"

Book: "Might we all want to step back a few paces before he opens that?"

Jayne: "Ha ha. It's from my mother."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Jayne: (wearing ugly homemade hat) "How's it sit? Pretty cunning,
don't ya think?"

Kaylee: "I think it's the sweetest hat ever."

Book: "Makes a statement."

Jayne: "Yeah, yeah!"

Wash: "A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid
of anything."

Jayne: "Damn straight."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Tracey: "Thanks. Didn't know you were there."

Zoe: "That's sort of the point. Stealth, you may have heard of it."

Tracey: "I don't think they covered that in basic."

Zoe: "Well, at least they covered 'Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans
and get yourself shot'."

Tracey: "Yeah, I got a badge in that."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: "Vitelli's out of it. That bumblebee laid down arms at the first sign
of inevitable crushing defeat, can you imagine such a cowardly creature?"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: "Everybody dies, Tracey.  Someone's carrying a bullet for you right
now, doesn't even know it.  The trick is to die of old age before it finds
you."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Jayne: "We're taking him on board?"

Mal: "We are."

Jayne: "Don't figure the percentage in that."

Mal: "Don't strain your brain trying, then. Might break something."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Zoe: "I don't get this.  They're after Tracey?"

Mal: "Or there's something else in that box."

(later)

Mal: "Anything?"

Jayne: "Not unless this crate's made of magical wish-granting planks."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: "Using corpses for smuggling is a time-honored repulsive custom."

Jayne: "Maybe it's gold!"

Zoe: "And maybe this was a friend of ours, and you wanna show a little
respect."

Jayne: "I got respect.  But I'm just saying... gold!"
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: "When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that, you
find someone to carry you."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Tracey: "That call means you just murdered me!"

Mal: "You murdered yourself, son.  I just carried the bullet for a while."
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Inara: "Hi."

Mal: (terribly startled while working on his guns) "BWAAA!"

Inara: "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle."

Mal: "You didn't." (repeating, as if he meant to) "BWAAA!  That's kind of a
warrior... It's a... strikes fear into..." (nothing) "Bwaa?" (gives up) "You
know, it ain't altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's handling a
weapon."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "You know, not altogether wise, sneaking up on a man when he's
handling his weapon."

Inara: "I'm sure I've heard that said. But perhaps the dining area isn't the
place for this sort of thing?"

Mal: "What do you mean? Only place with a table big enough."

Inara: "Of course. In that case..." (rearranges guns) "Every well-bred petty
crook knows -- the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of
the place setting."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would
it?"
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Inara: "It sounds like the sort of thing this crew can handle. I can't
guarantee they'll handle it particularly well, but-"

Nandi: "If they got guns, and brains at all..."

Inara: "They have guns."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Zoe: "No one's gonna force you to go, Jayne. As has been stated -- this
job's strictly speculative."

Jayne: "Good. 'Cause I don't know these folks, don't much care to."

Mal: "They're whores."

Jayne: "I'm in."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "Any friend of Inara's is a strictly business-like relationship of
mine."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew later.  They're good folk."

Jayne: (calls out from across the room) "Can I start gettin' sexed already?"

Mal: "Well, that's one kind of horrific."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Jayne: "My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly about the room,
there's so much tasty in here."

Wash: "Would be you'd get you most poetical about your pecker."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Kaylee: "Everybody's got somebody..." (wistfully) "Wash, tell me I'm
pretty..."

Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."

Kaylee: "'Cause I'm pretty?"

Wash: "'Cause you're pretty."

Kaylee: "Thank you.  That was very restorative."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "Inara, think you could stoop to being on my arm?"

Inara: "Will you wash it first?"
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "Well, lady I must say..." (admiring smile) "...you're my kinda
stupid."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Zoe: "I ain't so afraid of losing something that I ain't gonna try
to have it."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
River: (near a woman in labor) "Who do you think is in there?"
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: "Miss Nandi, I have a confession to make."

Nandi: "Maybe I should get the Shepherd."

Mal: "Well, I ain't sinned yet, and I'd feel more than a little awkward
having him here when I do."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Kaylee: "Captain seem a little funny to you at breakfast this morning?"

Wash: "Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Inara: "This is just a moment in time.  Step aside and let it happen."
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Petaline: "Jonah, say hello to your daddy." (aims gun).  "Say goodbye to
your daddy, Jonah." (fires)
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Simon: "I wish I was lying!  I just... you know, we'd all made surgeon.
That was it.  We were the elite.  The world was ours, you know."

Kaylee: "So you had to be naked?"

Simon: "Naked, yes.  And on top of the statue of Hippocrates.  Can't you
just picture me?"

Kaylee: "What, naked?  Oh well, hmm... let's see.  I'm gonna have to conjure
up... Yeah, that's gonna be difficult... so, did the Feds come?"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "This is not funny.  This is a morality tale about the evils of
sake."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "It was either that or the National Anthem.  Reports vary."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne: "Saint Jayne, it's got a ring to it!"

Book: "I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed."

Jayne: "I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope.  Does
that count upstairs?"

Book: "Oh, it will be taken into consideration."

Jayne: "You made that sound kind of ominous."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
River: "It's just an object.  Doesn't mean what you think."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "Fully loaded, safety off.  This here's a recipe for unpleasantness.
Does she understand that?"

River: "She understands.  She doesn't comprehend.

Mal: "Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "When I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor.

Simon: "You are talking to a doctor."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "We're in deep space, corner of No and Where."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Wash: "Little River just gets more colorful by the moment. What'll she do
next?"

Zoe: "Either blow us all up or rub soup in our hair. It's a toss-up."

Wash: "I hope she does the soup thing. It's always a hoot, and we don't all
die from it."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne: "Let's move this conversation in a not-Jayne's-fault direction."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne: "Anyone remember her coming at me with a butcher knife?"

Wash: "Wacky fun..."

Jayne: "You want to go, little man?"

Wash: "Only if it's someplace with candlelight."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Zoe: "I don't think she'd harm anyone."

Jayne: "Butcher knife!"

Zoe: "Anyone we can't spare."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Kaylee: "Didn't make much account of myself, I'm afraid."

Mal: "I got no problem with the notion of you not killing no one, Kaylee."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Kaylee: "She just did the math."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Inara: "This is not a joking matter!  This is about our lives!  And
River's."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "She's just a kid.  She just... wants to be a kid."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "But she does have an oddness to her. And I ain't just talking about
her proficiency with firearms. Girl knows things. Things she shouldn't.
Things she couldn't."

Jayne: "Wha-...are you-are you sayin' she's a witch?"

Wash: (sarcastically) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with
the beast."

Jayne: "She's in Congress?"

Wash: (amazed) "How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so
curious."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."

Zoe: "We live in a space ship, dear."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne: "... and if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak!"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Kaylee: "Don't let the space bugs bite!  (embarrassed, to herself) "Space
bugs?"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "Strains the mind a bit.  You think you're all alone... Maybe I come
down the chimney, Kaylee.  Bring presents to all the good girls and boys.
Maybe not, though.  Maybe I've always been here."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "And which part of your plan dictated the necessity of beating up a
shepard?"

Early: "That ain't a shepard."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "Is it still her room when it's empty?  Does the room, the thing,
have purpose?  Or do we... What's the word?"

Simon: "I really can't help you."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "So you're a bounty hunter."

Early: "That ain't it at all."

Simon: "Then what are you?"

Early: "I'm a bounty hunter."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get
certified, but they don't make surgeons get cut on.  That seem right to you?"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "You ever been shot?"

Simon: "No."

Early: "You out to be shot.  Or stabbed.  Lose a leg.  To be a surgeon, you
know.  Know what kind of pain you're dealing with."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: "Come on out, River.  The nice man wants to kidnap you."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Inara: "This is pointless, you know."

Early: "200,000 seems fairly pointed to me."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Inara: "Serenity is a smuggling ship.  I've been here a year, I couldn't
name all the places she might hide."

Early: "I don't have a year." (beat) "Your sister is being a real annoyance."

Simon: "I feel for you."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "Man is stronger by far than woman, but only woman can create a
child.  Does that seem right to you?"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget,
this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the
most troublesome. Does that seem right to you?"

Simon: "What'd he do?"

Early: "Who?"

Simon: "The midget."

Early: "Arson. Little man loved fire."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
River/Serenity: "You're wrong about River.  River's not on the ship.  They
didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself leave.  So she melted...
Melted away.  They didn't know she could do that, but she did."

Early: "I'm not sure I take your meaning there."

River/Serenity: "I'm not on the ship.  I'm in the ship." (beat) "I am the
ship."

Simon: "River..."

River/Serenity: "River's gone."

Early: "Then who exactly are we talking to?"

River/Serenity: "You're talking to Serenity.  And, Early... Serenity is very
unhappy."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me
finding you." (to Simon): "Tell her."

Simon: "What am I?  Your advocate?"

Early: (aiming his gun) "You are now."

Simon: "He's really very... gentle... and fuzzy.  We're becoming fast
friends."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
(River/Serenity laughs)

Early: "You folks are all insane."

Simon: "Well, my sister's a ship.  We had a complicated childhood."

Early: Doesn't anybody care that I have a finely crafted gun pointed at this
boy's head?"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "Where'd she go?"

Simon: "I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a
spaceship.  Don't look at me."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "There's a guy.. he's very blurry.  You gotta be careful." (beat)
"Oh... how come there's a guy on board?  How come you're all of a sudden the
ship?"

River/Serenity: "I know you have questions."

Mal: "That would be why I just asked them."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: "Am I dreaming?"

River/Serenity: "We all are." (beat) "Don't make faces."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Wash: "How about his face?  Is his face wearing armor?"

River/Serenity: "No touching guns!"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: "I'll be a son of a whore!  You're not in my gorram mind!  You're in
my gorram ship!"
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
River/Serenity: "You're not right, Early.  You're not righteous.  You got
issues.

Early: "No.  Well, yes.  I could have that."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
River: "Don't belong.  Dangerous, like you.  Can't be controlled.  Can't be
trusted.  Everyone can just go on without me and not have to worry.  People
could be what they wanted to be.  Could be with the people they wanted.
Live simple.  No secrets..."

Simon: "No..."

River: "I'll be fine.  I'll be your bounty, Jubal Early.  And I'll just fade
away."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
River: "Permission to come aboard?"

Mal: "You know, you ain't quite right."

River: "It's the popular theory."

Mal: "Go on. Get in there. Give your brother a thrashing for messing up
your plan."

River: "He takes so much looking after."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Zoe: "This is really not my area of expertise, doctor.  I tend to be putting
these into people more than the other thing."

Wash: "Can I mop your brow?  I am at the ready with the fearsome brow
mopper."

Simon: "You got the bullet.  Okay, I'm going to pass out now, but you're
doing great."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne: "All them years of priest training, taken out by one bounty hunter."

Book: "Don't get me wrong, I gave him a hell of a fight."

Jayne: "Epic, I'm guessing."

Book: "There'll be poems and songs, just you wait."

Jayne: "At least you got some play.  I missed every damn thing."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early (drifting): "Well... here I am..."
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Cashier: "Nineteen.  Twenty."

Mal: "And done."

(The cashier hands Mal a wad of bills; Mal starts to count it.)

Mal: "Not that I don't trust you... but I don't trust you."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Wash: "Let's go get us some of those curly carrots.  Love 'em deep fried."

(Wash starts to move Zoe off; she stops him and turns to Mal)

Zoe: "Capt'n?"

Wash: (drops arm) "Yeah, dad.  Can we go?  Promise to be home before
midnight."

Mal: "Go.  Wouldn't want to be responsible for cold curly carrots."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Mal: "Guess I'm not giving you money."

Inara: "No."

Mal: (smilin') "Well, unless there'd be some kind of benefit for the
exchange of said money..."

Inara: "Definitely, no."

Mal: "Then I suppose the least I can do is escort you to the fair."

Inara: "How adolescent... and charming of you."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Simon: "River has never been to a fair and she hasn't had a chance to
do much that is fun in awhile..."

Mal: "Alliance jail could be fun."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Kaylee: "You shouldn't feel bad you didn't guess the fat lady's weight.
I actually thought it was quite sweet to drop fifty pounds."

Book: "Seemed a wise choice."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Mal: "Now you can't tell me that an attractive lady like yourself has
never been escorted to a fair?"

Inara: (laughing) "They weren't quite the thing where I was raised."

(Mal stops, not loving that comment, then tosses another ring. Makes it
again.)

Mal: "Poor little Inara, not allowed to get her hands dirty with us
common folk."

Inara: (taken aback) "That's not what I --"  (Mal throws another) "I
guess not everyone's lucky enough to fulfill their lifelong dream of
becoming an expert ring tosser."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Cmdr. Tanaka: "Thanks to the good Alliance people of Verbena, our gear
shift factory is opening ten days ahead of schedule."

(The crowd around the stage cheers. Mal claps, hollers.)

Mal: "Oh, yeah. Let's all hear it for the good Alliance."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
(Jayne approaches, injured stuffed turtle in hand.  Holds it up.)

Mal: "Jayne."

Jayne: "<Bastards> singed my turtle."

(Everyone stares at Jayne)

Zoe: "Let me find a medic."

Jayne: "Thanks."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
(River motions Mal over to her, like she has a secret)

Mal: "Yeah?"

River: "Purple elephants are flying."

Mal: "Good.  Thanks for the update."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Inara: "What should I do?"

Simon: (hands her bandages): "Tie it off."

Inara: "Simon, I'm good with anatomy, but not like this..."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Wash: "Zoe?"

Zoe: "Yeah."

Wash: "What if this guy, you know, did it?"

Zoe: "Trust me, darling, this guy couldn't even tie his shoelaces if it
wasn't described to him using step by step graphics."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Jayne: "Come out, come out, wherever you are.  We won't hurt you...
much."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Jayne: "Hey!"

Kaylee: "Sorry."

Jayne: "Got any thread?" (Holds up stuffed turtle; its neck is almost
gone) "His floppy neck's makin' me sad."
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
River reads a story, surrounded by little injured children:

River: (sweet voice) "And the beautiful princess every night prayed for
her handsome prince... "

River: (continuing) "... to fight through the terrible ivy of thorns
and climb up to her room and slay all the wicked, evil demons... "

River: (much later, sweetly sing-songy) "And then the beautiful princess
got tired of waiting for her handsome prince and tried to escape, but
they found her and to punish her they locked her in a smelly, white,
cold room where the evil blue demons strapped electrodes to her face
and started to shock her. Zap, zap, zap, until she couldn't stop
screaming. Only no one could hear."

(River remains smiling; the kids not so much.  In fact, they're just a
little bit freaked out by the story and by the freaky lady telling it)
                           -- Firefly, Unfilmed Episode, "Dead or Alive"
%
Teacher: "The Central Planets formed the Alliance, so everyone can
enjoy the comfort and enlightenment of true civilization."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Do you know what your sin is?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "The minds behind every diplomatic, military, and covert
operation in the galaxy, and you put them in a room with a psychic."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "In certain older civilized cultures, when men failed as
completely as you have, they would throw themselves on their swords."

Dr. Mathias: "Well, unfortunately, I forgot to bring a sword..."

(Schhhhing -- the Operative pulls one out)
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "I believe in something that is greater than myself.  A
better world.  A world without sin."

Mal: "So me and mine got to lie down and die so you can live in your
better world?"

Operative: "I'm not going to live there.  There's no place for me there."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Every minute you keep River Tam from me, more people will die."

Mal: "You think I care?"

Operative: "Of course you do.  You're not a reaver, Mal."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I don't murder children."

Operative: "I do.  If I have to."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "This is a good death.  There is no shame in this."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "This landing is gonna get pretty interesting."

Mal: "Define 'interesting'."

Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "We may experience some slight turbulence and then... explode."

Jayne (whining): "Explode?  I don't wanna explode!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "You told me the entry couplings would hold for another week!"

Kaylee: "That was six months ago, cap'n."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Fear is nothing to be ashamed of, Doc."

Simon: "This isn't fear.  This is anger."

Mal: "Well, it's hard to tell the one from t'other, face like yours."

Simon: "I imagine if it were fear, my eyes would be wider."

Mal: "I'll look for that next time."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I am taking your sister under my protection here.  That means
that if anything happens to her, I swear to you I will get very choked
up.  Honestly.  There could be tears."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "It's okay to leave them to die."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Are those grenades?"

Jayne: "Cap'n doesn't want 'em."

Zoe: "We're robbing the place.  We're not occupying it."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Shiny.  Lets be bad guys."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "We mean to be thieving here, but what we are after is not yours.  So
let's have no undue fuss."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I see a head start to rise, violence is gonna ensue."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "You know what the definition of a hero is?  It's someone who gets other
people killed.  You can look it up later."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe (after breaking into a nearly empty bank safe): "At last, we can retire
and give up this life of crime."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Guard: "You have to give me your authorization password."

(Jayne fires down into the vault... there is a delay)

Guard: "Okay!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Leg's good.  It'll bleed plenty and we avoid any necessary organs."

Guard: "I was thinking, more of a graze..."

Mal: "Well, you don't want it to look like you just gave up."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Come a day there won't be room for naughty men like us to slip about
at all."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Mal!  MAL!"

Mal: "Every heist, he's gotta start yelling my name."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal (being pursued closely by Reavers): "Faster.  Faster.  Faster would be
better!!!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne (being attacked by reavers, after being made to leave his weapons
behind): "Boy, sure would be nice to have some GRENADES, don'tcha think?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "I won't get eaten!  You shoot me if they take me!"

(Mal aims toward Jayne in an attempt to free him)

Jayne: "Well don't shoot me FIRST!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "He didn't lie down.  They never lie down."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee (to Simon): "Are you okay?"

Mal: "Is HE okay?"

Simon (rushing to River, who is seemingly unfazed): "River?"

River: "I swallowed a bug."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's going to
start a fair fight... or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman.. or
I'm gettin' paid.  Mostly if I'm gettin' paid."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee (to Simon, as he leaves): "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38
engine, they fall right out of the sky!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "It's not safe..."

Simon: "Yes.  Yes, I fear it's not safe anymore."

River: "...for them."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "In the time of war, we woulda never left a man stranded."

Mal: "Maybe that's why we lost."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Mingo.  Fanty."

Mingo (pointing to Fanty): "He's Mingo."

Mal: "He's Fanty.  You're Mingo."

Mingo: "Ghahh!  How is it you always know?"

Mal: "Fanty's prettier."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee: "Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run
on batteries."

Mal: "Oh God!  I can't know that!"

Jayne: "I could stand to hear a little more..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Fanty: "You know that girl?"

Mal: "I really don't..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "Can we start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a ninety
pound girl?  'Cause I don't think that's ever getting old."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne (interrupting the "safe words" that make River fall asleep): "Well don't
say it!!!"

Zoe: "It only works on her, Jayne."

Jayne: "Oh.  Well, now I know that."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Didn't we have a intricate plan how they was gonna be not here
anymore?"

Kaylee: "We couldn't leave them now...!"

Jayne: "No, now that she's a... killer woman, we oughta be bringing
her tea and dumplings."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mr. Universe: "You guys always bring me the very best violence."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "Put a bullet to me.  Bullet in the brainpan, squish."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "It isn't mine.  The memory.  I didn't bring it and I shouldn't
have to carry it, it isn't mine."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "Am I talking to Miranda now?"  (River makes a face)  "No.  Right."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "You got a plan?"

Mal: "Hiding ain't a plan?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "When I talk about belief, why do you always assume I'm talking about
God?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Kaylee's been missing you something fierce."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "So.. Trap?"

Mal: "Trap."

Zoe: "We goin' in?"

Mal: "Ain't nothin' but a few hours out."

Wash: "But, remember the part where it's a trap?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Kaylee: "How can you be sure Inara just don't wanna see you?  Sometimes
people have feelings - I'm referring here to people..."

Mal: "Y'all were watching, I take it?"

(guilty glances)

Mal: "Did you see us fight?"

Kaylee: "No."

Mal: "Trap."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Zoe, ship is yours.  ...you don't hear from me within the hour, you
take this ship and you come and rescue me!"

Zoe: "What?  And risk my ship?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Dear Buddha: please send me a pony, and a plastic rocket, and..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Inara: "Mal, what are you doing here?"

Mal: "You invited me."

Inara: "Yes, but I never thought for a second you'd be stupid enough to come!"

Mal: "Well that makes you kind of a tease, doesn't it?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "I'm impressed that you would come for her yourself.  And that
you would make it this far in that outfit."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "It's worse than you know."

Mal: "It usually is."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "That girl will rain destruction down on you and your ship.  She's
an albatross, Captain."

Mal: "Way I remember it, albatross was a ship's good luck... till some idiot
killed it." (to Inara) "Yes, I've read a poem.  Try not to faint."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "If the alliance wanted to show me reason, they shouldn't have sent an
assassin."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative (to Mal): "You can not make me angry."

Inara: "Please - spend an hour with him!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "I want to resolve this like civilized men.  I'm not threatening
you.  I'm unarmed."

Mal: "Good." (draws and fires; operative falls to the ground, but comes back
up fighting)

Operative: "I am of course wearing full body armor.  I am not a moron."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Nothing here is what it seems.  He's not the plucky hero.  The
Alliance isn't some evil empire.  This isn't the grand arena."

Inara: "And that's not incense." (explosion ensues)
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Have you found the nav sat?"

Officer: "Sir?  We found seven."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative (to ensign): "Define 'disappeared'."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?"

Jayne: "... I might..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "It's not your way."

Mal: "I have a way?  Is that better than a plan?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "I'm a monster.  What I do is evil, I've no illusions about that.
But it must be done."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "They'll come at you sideways.  It's how they think: sideways.
Sidle up and smile, hit you where you're weak."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "No offense, Doc, I think it's noble as a grape the way you
look after River, but she ain't my sister, and she ain't your crew."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the
same place.  So now I'm asking more of you than I have before.  Maybe all.
'Cause as sure as I know anything, I know this: they will try again.
...they'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better.
And I do not hold to that.  So no more running.  I aim to misbehave."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Are you anything but a weapon?  I've staked my crew's life on
the theory that you're a person, actual and whole, and if I'm wrong,
you'd better shoot me now..."

(River cocks gun)

Mal: "... or, we could talk more."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "I had to show them.  I didn't know if you were going to make
me sleep."

Simon: "You could have asked."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Do you want to run this ship?"

Jayne: "Yes."

Mal: (beat) "Well... you can't!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Inara: "I just want to know who I'm dealing with.  I've seen too many
versions of you to be sure."

Mal: "I start fighting a war I guarantee you'll see something new."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: ".... I wish like hell you was elsewhere."

Inara: "I was."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "Can I suggest something that doesn't involve violence, or is this the
wrong crowd for that?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "We'll get off.  River and I will get off and..."

Kaylee: "Nobody's saying that."

Wash: "Nobody besides Jayne is saying that."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal (to a badly injured Book): "Shepherd... don't move."

Book: "Won't go far."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Book: "I shot him down... I killed the ship... that killed us.  Not very
Christian of me."

Mal: "You did what's right."

Book: "...coming from you, that means... almost nothing."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Shouldn't have been you - they shoulda hit us."

Book: "That crossed my mind..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "Runtse duh shang-dee, ching daiwuhtzo [Merciful God, please
take me away].  Make them stop, they're everywhere, every city every
house every room, they're all inside me.  I can hear them all and
they're saying nothing!  GET UP!  PLEASE GET THEM UP!  Wuoshang mayer,
maysheen, byen shr-too [I will close my ears and my heart and I will
be a stone], please God, make me a stone!"

Jayne: "She is starting to damage my calm."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal (after Simon punches him): "Tzao ss-ma?  Nee-yow wuh-kai chang?" [You
wanna bullet?  You wanna bullet right in the throat?]
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
(in response to Mal's plan to reaverize Serenity)

Inara: "Runtse de fwotzoo, ching baoyo wuomun..." [Oh merciful Buddha,
protect us...]

Wash: "Juhguh jee hua jun kuhpah!" [This plan is horrific.]
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "It's of interest to me how much you know about that world."

Book: "I wasn't born a Shepherd, Mal."

Mal: "Have to tell me about that sometime."

Book: "No, I don't."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "And we're gonna need paint.  We're going to need red paint."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Sir.  Do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination
so we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?"

Mal: "I mean to live.  I mean for us to live.  The Alliance won't
have that, so we go where they won't follow."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "How much ammo is left?"

Jayne: "Three mags and my swinging cod!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "River - I'm sorry..."

River: "No.  No."

Simon: "I hate to... leave..."

River: "You won't.  You take care of me.  You've always taken care of me."
(pause)  "My turn."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "The Alliance knows about Mr. Universe.  They're gonna see this coming."

Mal: "No.  They're not going to see this coming."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Target the reavers.  Target the reavers!  Target everything!
Somebody, fire!!!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "My one true regret in all this is never being with you."

Kaylee: "With me?  You mean to say, as... sex?"

Simon: "... I mean to say."

Kaylee (cocking gun): "Hell with this!  I'm gonna live!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "It's finished.  We're finished."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mr. Universe: "They can't stop the signal, Mal.  They can never stop the
signal."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mr. Universe/lovebot: "Mal?  Guy killed me, Mal.  He killed me with a sword.
How weird is that?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal (looking at the transmitter past a fall to certain doom): "'Hard to get
to'?!  That's a fact!"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Are you willing to die for that belief?"

Mal: (beat) "Yes."  (He and the Operative draw on each other.  Mal
fires first, disarming the Operative.)  " 'Course, that ain't exactly
plan A."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "That's what you want, isn't it?"

Inara: "I don't know."

Mal: "Good answer."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "Do you know what your sin is?

Mal: "Aw hell, I'm a big fan of all seven... but right now, I'm gonna
have to go with wrath."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Wash: "I am a leaf on the wind.  Watch how I soar."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I ain't gonna kill you.  Hell, I'm gonna grant your greatest wish.
I'm gonna show you a world without sin."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Ok, clearly some aptitude for this, but it ain't all buttons and
charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I
suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say. "

River: "I do. But I like to hear you say it."

Mal: "Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat
into the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the
turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down,
tells you she's hurting 'fore she keens. Makes her a home."

River: "Storm's getting worse."

Mal: "We'll pass through it soon enough."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "When your quarry goes to ground, leave no ground to go to."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Half of writing history is hiding the truth."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "She's tore up plenty.  But she'll fly true."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "Go hwong-tong [Enough of this nonsense].  No trouble now, little
crazy person...  we're going for a nice shuttle ride..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Keep on talking... You're not getting a location trace off this wave..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "I can't shut them up, they're all made up of rage..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Zoe?  Are you here?"

Zoe: "Do the job, sir."

Mal.  You hold.  Hold till I'm back."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "You should know there's no shame in this.  You've done remarkable
things.  But you're fighting a war you've already lost."

Mal: "Yeah, I'm known for that."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I don't plan on any shooting taking place during this job."

Jayne: "Well, what you plan and what takes place ain't ever exactly been
similar."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Just get us on the ground!"

Wash: "That part'll happen, pretty definitely."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Fanty: "You're unpredictable, Mal... you run when you oughtta fight,
fight when you oughtta deal.  Makes a business person twitchy..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "Show me off like a dog, old men covered in blood, it never
touched them but they're drowning in it... I don't know what I'm
saying, I never know what I'm saying..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "We locked on to Serenity's pulse beacon the moment you
hit atmo.  I can speak a word and send a missile to that exact location
inside of three minutes."

Mal: "You do that, best make peace with your dear and fluffy lord."
(tosses a gadget to the Operative)

Operative: "... pulse beacon..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Piece of shrapnel tore up that nerve cluster my first tour.  Had it
moved."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
River: "Miranda."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "What was that?"
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "I, uh, better go see how the inevitable mutiny is coming along..."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Teacher: "...so why would [the independents] fight so hard against us?"

River: "We meddle."

Teacher: "River?"

River: "People don't like to be meddled with.  We tell them what to do,
what to think, don't run don't walk we're in their homes and in their heads
and we haven't the right.  We're meddlesome."

Teacher: "River, we're not telling people what to think.  We're just trying
to show them how."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Dr. Mathias: "All our subjects are conditioned for combat, but River...
she's a creature of extraordinary grace."

Simon: "Yes.  She always did love to dance."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Operative: "We're making a better world.  All of them, better worlds."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Zoe: "Nobody flies like my mister."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Simon: "I bring River all the way out to the raggedy edge of the 'verse
so she can hide from the Alliance by robbing banks."

Kaylee: "I know the cap'n'll look out for her.  They'll be back before you
can spit." (beat)  "Not that you spit."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Jayne: "How come they ain't blowin' us out of the air?"

Mal: "They wanna run us down.  The up close kill."

River: "They want us alive when they eat us."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Screen in a bar, advertising candy: "Not Mandatory"

[Ed: There's mandatory candy?]
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Hello, little one.  You know your part in this?"

River: (beat) "Do you?"

Mal: "It's what I do, darlin'."  (sighing) "It's what I do."
                                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity"
%
Mal: "Ready to go to work, darlin'?"

River: "There's no pattern to the pebbles here.  Completely random.  "I
tried to count them, but you drove too fast.  Hummingbird.

Mal: "Alright.  Great.  Lets go."
                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity", deleted scenes
%
Sheydra: "All the more reason the girls look to you.  You've seen so much.
You're a figure of great romance to them."

Inara: "Great romance has nothing to do with being a companion, Sheydra; you
should know better."

Sheydra: (coyly) "I'm not the one who had a torrid affair with a pirate."

Inara: (shocked) "A who?  With a what?"

Sheydra: "It's the talk of the house.  The girls all trade stories in the
dorms at night."

Inara: "I... didn't... have a... pirate!"

Sheydra: "In one of the stories, you make love in a burning temple.  I think
that's my favorite."
                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity", deleted scenes
%
Book: "Lord - I'm walking your way.  Let me in, for my feet are sore.  My
clothes are ragged.  Look in my eyes, Lord, and my sins will play out in
them as on the screen.  Read them off.  Forgive what you can, and send me
on my path.  I will walk on until you give me rest."
                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity", deleted scenes
%
Mal:"They take you down, I don't expect to grieve over it much.  I'd like
to kill you myself if I ever see you again."

Operative: "You won't." (pause) "There is nothing left to see."

(Operative walks off, then stops near the engine, looking up at the ship
through the rain)

Operative: "Serenity.  You lost everything in that battle.  Everything you
had, everything you were.  How did you go on?"

Mal: "You're still standing there when that engine starts, you never will
figure it out." (walks into Serenity)  "What a whiner!"
                                  -- Firefly, "Serenity", deleted scenes
%
Zoe: (to Wash, lovingly) "That was close."  (They hug each other playfully)

Mal: "Hey, what are you guys doin?" (beat) "Making out?"

Wash: (flips off Mal) "Blow it, captain."
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Mal: "Whoa, Whoa, you see that?  You see it, right?  You see that?"

Mal: "Turn?  Would you turn?"

Wash: "You want to fly this thing?"

Mal: "You want me... would you pull over?  Is that what you call what you're
doing?"

Wash: "I will pull over this spaceship right now!"

Mal: "Christ almighty!"

Wash: "Dammit, I don't need a back spaceship driver!"

Mal: "Get out of the way!!!"

Wash: "Christ, that's it!" (throws up hands, leaves seat) "You wanna fly,
f'in fly!" (off set) "I'll be in my bunk."
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Everyone: "Summer!"

[Ed: It was a running joke on-set that whenever anything went wrong, it was
actress Summer Glau (River)'s fault.]
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Mal: "TRAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!"
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Mal: "Don't f'in tell me what to goddamn do!"

Kaylee: (laughing) "Goddamn do?"
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Mal: "Get these bodies together!"

Zoe: "We got time for gravedigging?"

Mal: "Zoe, take this and rope them together; five or six of them, I want
them laid out on the nose of our ship."

Simon: "Are you insane?"

Mal: "Put Book front and center.  He's our friend; we should honor him.
Kaylee!  Find that kid who's taking a dirt nap with Baby Jesus; we need a
hood ornament.  Jayne!  Try not to steal too much of their shit."
                                        -- Firefly, "Serenity", outtakes
%
Wash: Kaylee! Go to blackout! We're being buzzed!

Kaylee: Shi [Meaning affirmative]. Going dark.

[She climbs on top of the engine and flicks a switch, everything goes dark]

Kaylee: Okay, now I can't get down.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: He's not wildly interested in ingratiating himself with anyone,
yet he's very protective of his crew. It's odd.

Inara: Why are you so fascinated by him?

Book: Because he's something of a mystery. Why are you?

Inara: [looks taken aback, then smiles] Because so few men are.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
[Shepherd Book is checking the port for a ship, and meets Kaylee
sitting on a lawn chair outside Serenity]

Kaylee: You're gonna come with us.

Book: Excuse me?

Kaylee: You like ships. You don't seem to be lookin' at the
destinations. What you care about is the ships, and mine's the nicest.

Book: She don't look like much.

Kaylee: Oh, she'll fool ya. You ever sailed in a Firefly?
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it
shut. Is there an understanding between us?

Jayne: You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed
up over some big-city dandy -

Mal: Walk away from this table, right now.

[Jayne exits, reluctantly]

Simon: What do you pay him for?

Mal: What?

Simon: I was curious... what is his job on this ship?

Mal: ... Public relations.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Book: I've been out of the abbey two days, I've beaten a lawman
senseless, I've fallen in with criminals. I watched the captain shoot
the man I swore to protect. And I'm not even sure if I think he was
wrong. I believe... I just... I think I'm on the wrong ship.

Inara: Maybe. Or maybe you're exactly where you ought to be.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: But he did try to make a deal with you, right?

Jayne: [guilty look on his face, looking at Mal]

Mal: How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?

Jayne: [smiling] Money wasn't good enough.

Mal: What happens when it is?

Jayne: Well, that'll be an interesting day.

Mal: I imagine it will.
                                      -- Firefly, Episode #1, "Serenity"
%
Mal: Reavers ain't men-or they forgot how to be.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Book: Whatever horror he witnessed, whatever acts of barbarism, it was
done by men, nothing more.

Jayne: Reavers ain't men.

Book: Of course, they are. Too long removed from civilization perhaps,
but men. And, I believe there's a power greater than men. A power that
heals.

Malcolm: Reavers might take issue with that philosophy, if they had a
philosophy, and they weren't too busy gnawing on your insides. Jayne's
right. Reavers ain't men. Or they forgot how to be. Come to just
nothin'. They got out to the edge of the galaxy, to that place of
nothin', and that's what they became.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: "That poor bastard you took off my ship. He looked right into the
face of it-was made to stare."

Harken: "It?"

Mal: "That darkness. Kind of darkness you can't even imagine. Blacker
than the space it moves through."

Harken: Very poetic."

Mal: "They made him watch. He probably tried to turn away, and they
wouldn't let him. You call him a survivor? He's not. A man comes up
against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect,
is to become it."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Mal: We'll check it out, see if there are any survivors. And if not,
well, then, no one's gonna mind if we take a look around, see if
there's not something of value they might've left behind.

Jayne: Yeah, no, uh, someone could be hurt!
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #3, "Bushwacked"
%
Badger: Course you couldn't buy an invite with a diamond the size of a
testicle. I've got my hands on a couple.

[Mal and Jayne grin.]

Badger: Of invites!
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
Inara: You don't need strength as much as speed. We're fragile
creatures. It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut skin.

Mal: You know that? They teach you that in whore academy?

Inara: You have a strange sense of nobility, Captain. You'll lay a man
out for implying I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face.

Mal: I might not show respect to your job, but he didn't respect
you. That's the difference. Inara, he doesn't even see you.

Inara: Well, I guess death will solve the issue to everyone's satisfaction.
                                       -- Firefly, Episode #4, "Shindig"
%
[River glances at her brother's homework.]

Young River: That's wrong.

Young Simon: It's from the book, River.

Young River: No, the book is wrong. This whole conclusion is fallacious.
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
[Simon steps in a cowpie as Jayne drives the cargo of cattle out of the ship.]

Jayne: About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
[Simon whines to engineer Kaylee about life on Serenity.]

Simon: It's fun, being forced to the ass-end of the galaxy. To get
to live on a piece of luh-suh wreck. And we eat molded protein! And
be bullied around by our pyen juh duh jiou cha[o] w[r]en of a
captain. That's fun.

Kaylee: "Luh-suh"?! Serenity ain't "Luh-suh."
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
River: We're lost. Lost in the woods.
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: Did you have a good time at the D'Arbanville's ball?

Gabriel Tam: What are you-?

Simon: River thought it was duller than last year. But since we don't
know anyone named D'Arbanville, I'm having trouble judging.
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Zoe: You sanguine about the kind of reception we're apt to receive on
an Alliance ship, Cap'n?

Mal: Absolutely. [pauses] What's "sanguine" mean?

Zoe: "Sanguine". Hopeful. Plus, point of interest: it also means "bloody."

Mal: Well, that pretty much covers all the options, don't it?
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Alliance Commander: Your official seal is out of date, Captain... Harbatken?
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
[Mal appeals to Alliance cruiser Magellan's commander for urgent
medical help for Book.]

Alliance Commander: We aren't an emergency facility, Captain. Our
services aren't available simply to anyone-

Book: Com... mander... my... ident card.

[The commander examines his card. His eyes widen.]

Alliance Commander: Get this man to the infirmary at once.

[Mal and Zoe stare at each other.]
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Doralee: It's the way of life in my findings that journeys end when
and where they want to; and that's where you make your home.

Simon: This isn't our home.

Doralee: If it isn't here, where is it?
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
[Mal, Zoe, and Jayne watch Book's operation just outside Magellan's
surgery room.]

Jayne: This place gives me an uncomfortableness.
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
[Doralee reacts in alarm to River's ability to discern her young mute
charge's tragedy.]

Doralee: "And they shall be among the people, and they shall speak
truths and whisper secrets, and you will know them by their crafts."

Simon: What are you talking about?

Doralee: "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live!"
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Simon: Captain, why did you come back for us?

Mal: You're on my crew.

Simon: Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?

Mal: You're on my crew. Why're we still talking about this?
                                          -- Firefly, Episode #5, "Safe"
%
Mal: [to Jayne, upon hearing he is married] How drunk was I last night?

Jayne: I 'unno, I passed out.

Mal: Right.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried
this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger. Double
cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: Jayne, go play with your rainstick.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
[Mal is disconcerted to find Saffron in his bed, wearing only a
bedsheet.]

Saffron: But we've been wed. Aren't... we to become one flesh?

Mal: Well, no, uh... we're still two fleshes here, and... I
think... that your flesh oughta... sleep somewhere else.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: ...it's been a while-a long, damn while-since anybody but me took
ahold of my plow...
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: If I'm wed, I'm a woman, and I'll take your leave to be
bold. I want this. I swell to think of you in me.

[She looks down.]

Saffron: And I see that you do, too.

Mal: Oh, th-th- that's just, uh...

Saffron: Leave me at the nearest port. Never look upon me again. I'll
make my way with the strength that you've taught me. Only let me have
my wedding night.

Mal: [resignedly] Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: [After kissing Saffron he begins rubbing his mouth] Son of
a... [falls over unconscious]

Inara: [After kissing Mal when she discovers he is not dead. She
begins rubbing her mouth in a similar way] Oh you stupid son of
a... [she also falls over unconscious]
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
[After closing the bridge door, Saffron grabs Wash's hand and pulls
him close. They stare at the stars.]

Saffron: Do you know the myth of Earth-That-Was?

Wash: Not so much.

Saffron: That when she was born, she had no sky, and was open,
inviting. And the stars would rush into her, through the skin of
her...

Wash: Huh.

Saffron: ...making the oceans boil with sensation. And when she could
endure no more ecstasy, she puffed up her cheeks and blew out the sky.

Wash: Whoa. Good myth.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: Make this night what it should be. Please? Show me the stars.

Wash: Wuh duh ma huh ta duh fung-kwong duh wai-shung doh... I wish I
was somebody else right now. Somebody not... married, not... madly in
love with a beautiful woman who... can... kill me with her pinkie!
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: Why the act? All the seduction games, the dancin' around folk,
there has to be an easier way to steal.

Saffron: You're assuming the point is the paycheck.

Mal: I'm not assuming anything at this point.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: How'd you find me?

Mal: Only a couple places that shuttle would make it to from where you
left... happy to find it intact.

Saffron: You're quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. [Seductively] I've been
waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.

Mal: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you
with holes.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Saffron: Everybody plays each other. That's all anybody ever does. We
play parts.

Mal: You've got all kinds o' learnin' and you made me look the fool
without even trying, yet here I am, with a gun to your head. That's
'cause I got people with me. People who trust each other, who do for
each other, and ain't always lookin' for the advantage.

Saffron: Promise me you're gonna kill me soon.

Mal: Oh, you already know I ain't gonna.

Saffron: You know, you did pretty well. Most men, they're on me inside
of ten minutes. Not trying to teach me to be strong and the like.

Mal: I got one question for you, just one thing I'd like to know,
straight up.

Saffron: Ask me.

Mal: What's your real name? [He knocks her out] You'd only lie to me
anyhow.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Mal: You're a very graceful woman, Inara.

Inara: [surprised] I... thank you

Mal: So here's where I'm fuzzy. You got by that girl, came and found
me, and somehow you happen to just trip and fall.

Inara: What do you mean?

Mal: Come on, Inara. How's about we don't play. You didn't just trip,
did you?

Inara: No.

[You will remember that Inara kissed Mal while he was unconscious and
that was why she passed out]

Mal: Well, isn't that something.

Mal: I knew you let her kiss you.

(Mal leaves, whistling, while Inara just stares)
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
Simon: I use swear words, like anybody else.

Kaylee: Oh, really? See, I've never heard you.  So when is it that you
do all this cussing?

Simon: I swear... when it's appropriate.

Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.
                              -- Firefly, Episode #6, "Our Mrs Reynolds"
%
[Jayne is in the infirmary, which is in total disarray, taping a gun
to his midriff]

Simon: What... happened in here?

Jayne: Needed to find some tape.

Simon: So you had to tear my infirmary apart?

Jayne: [Looks around himself] Apparently.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Mal: Jayne, I told you we were settin' down on the Canton factory
settlement on Higgins' Moon?

Jayne: Yep, that ya did.

Mal: Canton don't allow guns in their town.

Jayne: Yes sir, s'why I ain't strappin' one to my hip.

Mal: No, that's why you ain't strappin' one anywhere.

Jayne: Oh, listen Mal, I was in Canton a few years back. Might've made
me a few enemies thereabouts.

Simon: [sarcastically] Enemies? You? No, how can it be?
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Simon: Canton really... stinks.

Mal: That's what makes it such a good drop point. No one comes through
here that doesn't have to.

Wash: I vote we do this job really really fast.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Mal: The management here don't take too kindly to sightseers, [which
is] why we're posin' as buyers. There ain't-a one of us looks the
part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands,
definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all
over-

Simon: All right! Fine, I'll go. Just... stop describing me.

Mal: You're the boss, boss.

Jayne: He's the boss now? [sarcastically] This day just keeps gettin'
better and better.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
[Jayne, dressed in a bulky hooded coat and goggles, keeps his head
down as they walk past the workers.]

Wash: You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need
that getup? No one's gonna remember you.

Mal: I think it's possible they might.

[They all look up to see an elevated, life-sized mud statue of Jayne.]

Simon: Son of a bitch!
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Inara: Magistrate Higgins, I may presume.

Higgins: You may. But I only make the people I own use my
title. Mister Higgins will do fine.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
[A drunken Jayne stumbles down the stairs, entwined with a local girl.]

Jayne: [singing] "The hero of Canton, the man they call 'me'."
[speaking] Eggs! Living legend needs eggs!
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: No, really, Mal, I mean, maybe there's something to this. The
Mudders? I think I really made a difference in their lives. You know,
me, Jayne Cobb.

Mal: I know your name, jackass!
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: [Addressing the collected Mudders] Far as I see it, you
people been given the shortest end of the stick ever been offered
a human soul in this crap-heel 'Verse. But you took that end, and
you... [pause] Well, you took it. And that's... Well, I guess that's
somethin'.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
[Jayne's ravaged former partner, Stitch Hessian, confronts him at the
celebration.]

Stitch: For six months, we run together. He turned me out 'fore I
could scream!

Jayne: You'd-a done the same.

Stitch: No. Never. You protect the man you're with. You watch his
back! Everybody knows that! Well, except the "hero of Canton."
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
[Jayne is horrified after a young Mudder's sacrifice to save him.]

Jayne: All of you! You think there's someone just gonna drop
money on ya?! Money they could use?! Well, there ain't people like
that. There's just people like me.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Jayne: Why the hell'd that mudder have to go and do that for, Mal--
jumpin' in front of the shotgun blast?  Hell, there weren't a-one of
them understood what happened out there; they're... probably stickin'
that statue right back up.

Mal: Most like.

Jayne: I don't know why that eats at me so.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #7, "Jaynestown"
%
Wash: Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
[Simon is unable to quickly convey a funny story about being a doctor]

Jayne: [interrupting] Now, Inara - she's gotta have some funny whorin'
stories, I'd wager.

Inara: [laughing] Do I ever! Funny and sexy. [laughs] You have no
idea... [suddenly serious] and you never will.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
[The crew surprises Simon with a birthday cake.]

Simon: How did... how'd you know? River, did you...?

River: "Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar
cycles. It's not applicable. [pauses] I didn't get you anything.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Kaylee: Hope you like it. Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's
mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for
dinner. [everyone laughs] But I tried to make the frosting as
chocolate-y tasting as possible, so.

Simon: Thank you. I'm really, I'm, um, very, very deeply moved. Thank you.

Jayne: Well... deeply move yourself to blow out them candles so we can
try a slice.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
[After the fire is contained, Kaylee reports on the accident.]

Kaylee: Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew. It's where the
trouble started.

Mal: 'Kay, I need that in captain dummy-talk, Kaylee.

Kaylee: We're dead in the water.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
[Kaylee discusses the loss of life support, especially oxygen.]

Mal: How long?

Kaylee: Couple of hours, maybe. We'll start to feel it... then we
won't feel nothin' at all.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Simon: Suffocation's not exactly the most dignified way to go. The
human body will involuntarily-

Inara: Please, I don't really require a clinical description right now.

Simon: I'm sorry. I just, uh... It was my birthday.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: I'm gettin' a little weary of this attitude, Wash.

Wash: [chuckling] Are you? Well, I'm so very sorry, sir. I guess the
news that we're all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few
hours has made me a little snippy.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Wash: What do you expect me to do, Mal?

Mal: Whatever you have to! And if you can't do it from here, then get
a suit on and go outside on the side of the boat-

Wash: And what?! Wave my arms around?
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: You got much experience with a vessel like this?

Kaylee: I never even been up in one before.

Mal: Wanna?

Kaylee: You mean...

Mal: Sure.

Kaylee: For how long?

Mal: Long as you like. Long as you can keep her in the sky.

Kaylee: You offerin' me a job?

Mal: Believe I just did.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Bester: Mal! What do you need two mechanics for?

Mal: [Turning and leaving the engine bay] I really don't.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Kaylee: Sometimes a thing gets broke, can't be fixed.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
[Figuring out it was Jayne who tracked them, Mal offers him a better
cut of the goods]

Mal: Look, forget anything I said. I'm sure you're treated very
well. You get the perks, got your own room.

[Jayne looks dejected]

Mal: No? You share a bunk?

Jayne: [indicates third bandit] With that one.

Mal: [smirks] Really.

Marco: Jayne, this ain't funny!

Jayne: Huh, yeah, I ain't laughing.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: You move on over to this side, we'll not only show you where
the stuff's at, we'll see to [it] you get your fair share. Not no sad
seven [percent].

Jayne: [interest piqued] Private room?

Marco: Jayne!

Mal: Your own room. Full run of the kitchen. Whole shot.

Marco: Jayne, I ain't asking-

Jayne: [shoots Marco in the leg] Shut up. [aims at the other bandit
without looking] How big a room?
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Zoe: Welcome back, sir.

Mal: I go someplace?

Shepherd Book: Very nearly.

Inara: We thought we lost you.

Mal: No, I've been right here.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Mal: Y'all gonna be here when I wake up?

Book: We'll be here.

Mal: Good. That's good.
                                    -- Firefly, Episode #8, "Out of Gas"
%
Simon: River you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like-

[Takes bite of food.]

Simon: It's good.

Jayne: It smells like crotch.

Kaylee: Jayne!

Jayne: Well, it does.
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
Wash: Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use
"Companion" as a verb?
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[Suddenly, River slashes Jayne in the chest.]

River: He looks better in red.
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[The newly-minted "ambulance" opens, and the three faux EMTs emerge.]

Simon: If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[The faux EMTs wheel in their body containers, ready to do their spiel
to get them to the morgue.]

Emergency Nurse: What do you got?

Mal: Got a couple DOAs. By the time we got there-

Emergency Nurse: Take them down to the morgue.

[Mal looks at his stunned team. Zoe begins to wheel her container in,
but Jayne just stands there.]

Jayne: We applied the cortical electrodes, but we were unable to get a
neural reaction from either patient!
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[On the diagnostic table, River screams.]

River: No! No! No. They come out of the black. They come when you call.

Simon: River, it's okay- it's, it's over. We're leaving.

[River looks straight at Jayne.]

River: Your toes are in the sand.

Jayne: And your head's up your-

Simon: Hey! Back off.
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[Simon thanks Jayne for his apparent resistance to arrest, unaware
that Jayne had called in the feds himself.]

Simon: Still... I appreciate you trying.

Jayne: You know what I'd appreciate? You stop flapping that pretty
mouth at me. I'm trying to figure a way out of here. I can't do it
with you yammerin'.
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[Resigned to his fate, Jayne calls Mal on the comm-link one last time.]

Jayne: What're you gonna tell the others?

Mal: About what?

Jayne: 'Bout why I'm dead.

Mal: I hadn't thought about it.

Jayne: Make something up. Don't tell 'em what I did.

[Mal relents and closes the door.]

Mal: The next time you decide to stab me in the back, have the guts to
do it to my face.

[Mal walks away.]

Jayne: Can I come in?
                                         -- Firefly, Episode #9, "Ariel"
%
[River and Kaylee are running recklessly through the cargo bay. Inara
and Mal are conversing on the stairs.]

Mal: Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots... [to
River and Kaylee] SHUT UP!

Mal: [to Kaylee and River] One of you is gonna fall and die, and I'm
not cleaning it up!
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Zoe: You know what a griswald is?

Jayne: It's a grenade.

Zoe: About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon
was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter
campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance
entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling
across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak
of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out
of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the
trench.

Wash: [hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they
all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.

Kaylee: Blew off their heads, huh?

Zoe: Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise,
just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the
rib cage.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Wash: But these apples are healthsome, and good.

Jayne: Yeah, grenades cost extra.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: [walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about
20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and
start thinking about spending some of this money.

Wash: [whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.

Mal: [replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That
wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as
simple as it sounds.

Wash: [Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my -

Mal: About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take
kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies
enough as it is.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
[The councilor, Inara's client, walks in, and she is revealed to be a
woman. Mal stands by as they walk upstairs, mouth agape.]

Mal:...Huh.

[Jayne, Kaylee, and Book are clearly shocked, especially Jayne, who
stares confoundedly at the two retreating women.]

Book: Ohh, my.

Kaylee: Oh, gosh, I-I knew she took female clients, I just, uh-
[laughs] They look so glamorous together.

Jayne: ...I'll be in my bunk.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
[Asian style music plays as Inara massages her client's back.]

Councilor: Oh- that feels amazing. [Inara smiles] Oh, right there. Oh,
that's perfect. I should have done this weeks ago.

Inara: [chuckling] Well, I wouldn't have been here weeks ago.

Councilor: That would have been a shame.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Inara: [smiling gently.] If I choose a woman, she tends to be
extraordinary in some way. [laughing] And the fact is, I occasionally
have the exact same need you do. One can not always be one's self in
the company of men.

Councilor: [smiling.] Never, actually.

Inara: So no show. Let's just... enjoy ourselves.

Councilor: You are so lovely.

[The councilor and Inara kiss and embrace passionately.]
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: And you understand what Zoe's job entails?

Wash: [Nodding enthusiastically] I'll learn as I go.

[After landing at the drop location, Wash carries an apparently heavy
crate.]

Wash: So now I'm learning about carrying.

(Niska's men have ambushed the drop, killing the buyers and holding
Mal and Wash at gunpoint)

Wash: Now I'm learning about scary.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
Mal: Look, Zoe and I have a history- she trusts me.

Wash: [Annoyed] What's that supposed to mean?

Mal: Don't mean a thing, but you're making out like she blindly
follows my every word; that ain't true.

Wash: Sure it is.

Mal: Not so. There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey.

Wash: Name one!

Mal: She married you!
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
[While Zoe and Wash are getting ready to assault Niska's Skyplex]

Wash: Grenades?

Zoe: Oh, yes. Thank you, dear. [Turning to Jayne] They won't be expecting it.

Jayne: Right. 'Cause they ain't insane.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #10, "War Stories"
%
[Mal, while fighting the torturer who once revived him when his body
gave out.]

Mal: Haven't you killed me enough for one day?
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Monty: Mal, I want you to meet my Bridget.

[Monty steps aside to reveal Saffron, aka Mrs. Malcolm Reynolds. She
and Mal draw guns on each other.]

Monty: So... you guys have met.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[As Saffron rummages through her purse, Malcolm puts a gun to her head.]

Mal: You're gonna want to pull your claw out of that bag, nice and slow.

Saffron: Relax. I'm not going for a gun or anything.

[Saffron pulls out some lipstick.]

Saffron: Just freshening up.

[Mal takes the lipstick from her and tosses it away.]

Mal: You and lipstick are a dangerous combination, if I recall.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[Mal frisks Saffron.]

Saffron: Mmm. You missed a spot.

Mal: Can't miss a place you've never been.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Mal: This is my scrap of nowhere. You go on, find your own.

Saffron: You can't just leave me here on this lifeless piece-of-crap moon.

Mal: I can.

Saffron: I'll die.

Mal: Well, as a courtesy, you might start getting busy on that, 'cause
all this chatter ain't doin' me any kindness.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: This was all your fault, you know. I had the perfect crime
lined up.

Mal: Sure. You were gonna steal a man's beard.

Saffron: No, you HOE-tze duh PEE-goo! A million-square job. The big
time. I was gonna cut Monty and his crew in, but you screwed that
royal.

Mal: Odd, but I don't think I'll be losing any sleep over it.

Saffron: I've got the layout, entrance codes... Believe me, this
practically robs itself, sweetheart.

Mal: Bye-bye, now.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[Zoe stands to face Saffron.]

Zoe: She can't be trusted.

Mal: I ain't asking you to trust her. I'll be with her on the inside
the whole time.

Saffron: See there? All you gotta do to be a rich woman, hon,
is... get over it.

Zoe: Hmm. Okay.

[Zoe belts Saffron, who falls to the floor.]

Zoe: I'm in.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: Durran, this isn't what it looks like.

Mal: Unless... it looks like... we're stealing your priceless
Lassiter, 'cause... that's what we're doing. Don't ask me about the
gun, though, 'cause that's new.

Durran: Well, I appreciate your honesty. Not, you know, a lot, but...
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[As Saffron holds her gun on Durran, Mal draws a gun on Saffron.]

Mal: No one's killin' any folk today, on account o' we got a very
tight schedule, Yo-Saff-Bridg.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: Durran, peaches... just call them off. Tell them it was a mistake.

Durran: You need help, Yolanda.

Saffron: I'll do anything you want me to. You know how I can make you feel.

Durran: Hmm. Please. You're embarrassing yourself.

[She spin-kicks him to the floor, knocking him unconscious.]

Saffron: I'm embarrassing? Who's the dupe on the floor?
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Saffron: You just may be the most gullible fool I ever marked. And
that makes you special.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[Jayne is on the infirmary table, temporarily paralyzed after his spill.]

Jayne: [mumbling] Is [s]pine okay?

Simon: How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?

Jayne: [mumbling] Das crazy talk.

Simon: Then let's talk crazy. How much?

[Jayne's eyes move toward the door.]

Jayne: [mumbling] Anybody there?

[River pokes her head in.]

Jayne: [mumbling] Anybody else?
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
Simon: No matter what you do, or say or plot, no matter how you come
down on us... I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table,
you're safe. 'Cause I'm your medic, and however little we may like
or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles,
same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each
other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies
me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning
on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause
I don't see this working any other way.
                                        -- Firefly, Episode #11, "Trash"
%
[Simon and Kaylee check out the "proof of alien life" exhibit: an
inert creature in a cylindrical jar.]

Kaylee: But cow? How do you figure?

Simon: It's upside down.

[Kaylee tilts her head to the side.]

Kaylee: Oh yeah. Cow.

Simon: And I'm out twelve bits! I really know how to show a girl
a... disgusting time.

Kaylee: It's... sweet. Poor little thing, never even saw the light
of day. Now it's in show business.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Jayne: Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't even figure out how to eat
an ice planet.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Inara: So, do aliens live among us?

Kaylee: Yeah. One of them's a doctor.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[Zoe and Mal open a coffin-sized box to find a body. Jayne peers in.]

Jayne: What'd y'all order a dead guy for?
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Zoe: First rule of battle, little one... don't ever let them know
where you are.

[Cut to Mal, firing behind himself as he runs toward the two.]

Mal: WHOO-HOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O'
ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH!

[He lands with a grunt behind some nearby rubble.]

Mal: Whoo-hoo!

Zoe: 'Course, there're other schools of thought.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: Tracey, ain't you dead yet?

Tracey: Through no fault of my own, Sarge.

Mal: Aw... I really wanted your beans.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[River to Simon after he is blown off by Kaylee.]

River: You are such a boob.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Tracey: Uh, okay. Uh, recording. Hi, I guess. This is a message for
Zoe, and for Malcolm Reynolds. And I really hope you all are the ones
listening to it. I'll spare you the boring details. I've fallen in
with untrustworthy folk. Makin' a bunch of bad calls. All that matters
is... I expect to be shuffled off. And you two are the only people I
trust to get me where I'm going, which is home. I'd like my body to be
with my folks on St. Albans. We got the family plot there, and my Mom
and Dad, well, they deserve to know I died. You know, it's funny. We
went to the war never lookin' to come back, but it's... it's the real
world I couldn't survive. You two carried me through that war. Now I
need you to carry me just a little bit further... if you can. Tell
my folks I wanted to do right by them, and that I'm at peace, and
all. Uh... When you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't
do that, well... Yeah, you know the rest. Thanks, b-both of you. Oh,
yeah, and, uh... make sure my eyes is closed, will ya?
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Womack: Relax! You've been great. And I was just bluffing with
that stuff about arresting you. I mean, who needs that kind of
paperwork? Skunk, light him on fire.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: And you never seen a man more proud of his moustache than Colonel
Obrin. I mean, in all my life, I will never love a woman the way this
officer loved that lip ferret.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: Oh! Next mornin', he wakes up, it's gone, and he is furious! But
he can't just say, you know, "Someone stole my moustache!" So he, uh,
calls together all the platoons...

Zoe: We thought he was gonna shoot us!

Mal: ...and, uh... Oh, he's eye-ballin' all the men somethin'
fierce. Not a word. And he comes up to Tracey, and Tracey's wearing
the gorram thing on his face!

Zoe: He'd glued it on!

Mal: He's starin' the old man down wearing his own damn moustache!
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[As Simon starts an autopsy on Tracey's body, the man screams and
starts thrashing about.]

Jayne: Spry for a dead fella!
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[Mal manages to pin Tracey to the floor, straddling him.]

Tracey: Sarge?

Mal: Yeah?

Tracey: I think I'm naked.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: You wanna explain to me exactly why you got yourself all
corpsified and mailed to me?
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Mal: So, your innards... ain't your innards?
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[The crew walks onto the bridge followed by Tracey.]

Wash: I think they're about done being stalled to-
ahhhh... AHHHHHHH! Mal, your dead army buddy's on the bridge.

Zoe: He ain't dead.

Wash: ...Oh...
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[Mal and Wash are attempting to stall Womack, who is pursuing them.]

Womack: I'm a dangerous-minded man on a ship loaded with hurt. Now why
you got me chattin' with your peons?
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[Wash is flying through the canyon with debris falling onto the ship,
Mal isn't flying comfortable.]

Wash: Woo! This kind of flying really wakes up a guy!

Mal: Awake helps.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
[Wash is perilously flying through a narrow canyon trying to evade
Womack.]

Wash: They'd have to be insane to follow us through here.

[After flying through the canyon some time, Wash looks behind them to
see if they've lost Womack.]

Wash: They're not behind us any more!

[Looks up and realizes Womack is simply following them from above the
canyon.]

Wash: I didn't think of that.
                                  -- Firefly, Episode #12, "The Message"
%
Inara: I suppose you heard most of that?

Mal: Only because I was eavesdropping.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Kaylee: Look, they got boy whores! Isn't that thoughtful? Wonder if
they service girlfolk at all.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Wash: [to Kaylee] You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?

Kaylee: Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know,
examine me.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Mal: Nothing worse than a monster who thinks he's right with God.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Zoe: You and I would make one beautiful baby. And I want to meet that
child one day. Period.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Nandi: Truth is, I expected a whole lot more of you to be takin'
payment in our trade.

Mal: Well, we're an odd conglomeration. Got a preacher, a married
fellah, and the doctor... well, he'd have to... relax for thirty
seconds to get his play. That'd be more or less a miracle.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
[Simon and Inara tend to Petaline during her contractions. River waits
at her feet like a catcher.]

Inara: How many babies have you actually delivered?

Simon: As the primary? This would be the first. You?

Inara: My first, too.

River: Mine, too.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Nandi: Malcolm, I been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you
my guns.

[Mal kisses Nandi, then draws back for a moment.]

Nandi: You okay with this?

Mal: I'm just waiting to see if I pass out. Long story.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Inara: So you took to bed with Nandi. I'm glad.

Mal: Glad?

Inara: Yes! She's a dear friend, and probably in need of some comfort
about now.

. . .

Mal: So, you're okay. Well, yeah. Why... why wouldn't you be?

Inara: I wouldn't say I'm entirely okay. I'm a little appalled at her taste.

[Cut later to a shot of Inara crying in her room]
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Book: Girls, nobody's going to die!

[Cut to Jayne.]

Jayne: There's people gonna die.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Jayne: [over radio] Whoa, now, girl, that is just plain dirty.

Mal: Jayne, you aware your radio's transmittin'? Cause I ain't feelin'
particular girlish or dirty at the moment.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Jayne: Mal! Looks like we got some imminent violence!
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
[Rance is on his knees before Petaline, who holds her infant son.]

Petaline: Rance, this is Jonah. Jonah... say "hi" to your daddy.

[She shoots Rance.]

Petaline: Say "goodbye" to your daddy, Jonah.
                                -- Firefly, Episode #13, "Heart of Gold"
%
Jayne: So like, never?

Book: Well, no.

Jayne: Not ever ever?

Book: Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.

Jayne: But you still got the urge? They don't...cut it off or nothin'?

Book: No, I'm more or less intact. I just...direct my energy elsewhere.

Jayne: You mean like masturbatin'?

Book: I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself?

Jayne: Heheh, yeah, that'd be the day.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Jayne (in River's head): I got stupid, the money was too good.

Book (in River's head): I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or
not. So where does that put you?
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Mal: You know, the only thing you're gonna find in New Melborne is
fish and fish-related activities, so unless you got the overwhelming
urge to gut sturgeon--and who hasn't, occasionally--

Inara: But it's a layover point for almost every planet this side of
the system. I could--I just don't want to draw this out.

Mal: Have you decided when you're gonna tell the others?

Inara: I...No. I appreciate your not saying anything.

Mal: Well, I don't. So make up your mind.

Inara (in River's head): I'm a big girl, just tell me.

Mal (in River's head): None of it means a damn thing.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
...
[River bends down to look at a bent branch on the leaf-strewn cargo
bay floor and picks it up]

River: It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think.

[River comes out of a vision to find herself holding a gun, which Mal
takes from her.]

Mal: Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for
unpleasantness. [to Simon] Does she understand that?

River: She understands. She doesn't comprehend.

Mal: Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
[The mysterious intruder holds Simon at gunpoint.]

Simon: Are you Alliance?

Early: Am I a lion?

Simon: What?

Early: I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though:
I have a mighty roar.

Simon: I said "Alliance."

Early: Oh, I thought-

Simon: No, I was-

Early: That's weird.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Simon: You're outta your mind.

Early: That's between me and my mind.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: You gonna be smart here, River? ...River? ...Serenity?
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Early: [outside Serenity in a space suit] You made the right move,
darlin'. Best for you to go with old Early.

Mal: [appears behind him] You think so? Some of us feel differently.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
Inara: Any chance that shiong-mung duh kwong-run might survive?

Mal: Air he had left, I'd say his chance'd be about one in... a very
large number.
                             -- Firefly, Episode #14, "Objects in Space"
%
[Book is giving a sermon to a church while Mal, Jayne, and Zoe are on
a job at the local bank. After the job goes south, Book shows up in
some sort of giant dune-buggy to rescue them.]

Mal: So... how goes the flock?
Book: At the moment? To their homes. To fetch their guns.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 1
%
Mal: Prayerful group you found yourself here, Shepherd. And here I
thought that book of yours had a thing in it about not killing folks.

Book: It does. Comes a bit before the one about not stealing.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 1
%
Jayne: Stop chasin' us! We don't got your damn money! Go chase the
guys with the money!!!

Zoe: Jayne, you yelling like that's only going to make them want to
shoot you more.

Jayne: How you figure?

Zoe: Because it makes me want to shoot you.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 1
%
River: Ball of yarn... All knotted and tangled with different weights
and colors, but pull one string and you pull them all...
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 1
%
[Mal hands a bag of coins to Wash.]

Mal: Get her fueled, Wash.

Wash: With dirt? With cheap dirt?
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 2
%
Jayne: He was crowdin' me, and I don't know him. I hit people that
crowd me I don't know.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 2
%
[Dobson talks with the blue-gloved men.]

Dobson: You're wrong. I don't want Serenity. I want Reynolds.

[Reveal: A room filled with defaced images of Mal, "Kill Reynolds" and
"die Reynolds" scrawled on the walls and furniture.]

Dobson: You could say I'm... preoccupied with the idea.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 2
%
[Mal is wearing a red shirt and just finished explaining their next job.]

Mal: Anyone else has words, now would be the time.

River: I hate that color on you. I always have.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 2
%
Mal: You kill me. What then?

Dobson: I dunno. I imagine I'll get a hobby or something...
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 3
%
Zoe: And after we kill 'em all, sir?

Mal: Honestly, my thinking hadn't gotten that far.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 3
%
Mal: We're in space, Shepherd. It's always the middle of the night.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 3
%
Zoe: Where are we going, sir?

Mal: The same as always. Forward.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 3
%
Mal: [After shooting an already dead Dobson] Just making sure.
                                            -- Firefly (Comic) - Issue 3
%
bao stuffed bun (hanyupinyin: bao)

frog-humping sonofabitch (hanyupinyin: qing wa cao de liu mang)

the explosive diarrhea of an elephant (hanyupinyin: da xiang bao za
shi de la du zi)

Are we clear here? (hanyupinyin: dong le ma?)
                                   -- Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary
%
rubbish (hanyupinyin: fei wu)

hell; ghost, demon (hanyupinyin: gui)

crap, worthless thing; from gou-shi, dog excrement (hanyupinyin: gou shi)

monkey's butt (hanyupinyin: hou zi de pi gu)
                                   -- Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary
%
jerk, bastard, scoundrel; literally, "bastard egg" (hanyupinyin: hun dan)

What the hell is this stuff?; literally: This is what (cock)
thing? (hanyupinyin: zhe shi shenme lan dongxi?)

garbage (Taiwanese) (hanyupinyin: le se)

little sister (hanyupinyin: mei mei)
                                   -- Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary
%
Do you have a worried face? (hanyupinyin: ni chou lian, you mei you?)

rhino (hanyupinyin: xi niu)

violent lunatic (hanyupinyin: xiong meng de kung ren)

petty, small and tedious; trivial; trifling (hanyupinyin: suo xi)
                                   -- Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary
%
hey; hello (hanyupinyin: wei)

Dear God in heaven (hanyupinyin: wo de tian a)

Holy Mother of God and all her wacky nephews (hanyupinyin: wo de ma he
ta de feng kuang de wai sheng dou)
                                   -- Firefly-Serenity Chinese Pinyinary
